No Way Back
by Torithy
Summary: That breaking glass might as well have been his life shattering into pieces ... Eddie spirals out of control, dragging everyone with him and setting them all on a path that - one way or another - there's no way back from. Picks up from the finale of Series 32.
1. One

**Author's Note: I seemed to be on a bit of a Casualty kick, so I thought I'd roll with it! This picks up from Eddie and Alicia's showdown and then veers off - the outcome could end up the same, only taking a different route, or it could be completely different. One way to find out ... ;) As always, thanks for reading and feedback would be gratefully received!**

* * *

 **No Way Back**

 **One**

That breaking glass might as well have been his life shattering into pieces.

That dawning realisation felt like it might suffocate Eddie as he stood rooted to the spot in horror, Alicia's terrified cries of pain seeming to split the growing dark. Things were bad and only getting worse as the full extent of what had happened became clear.

His fellow doctor lay among the splintered ruins of her patio doors in her little back yard, light spilling from inside just catching the bright red arterial blood spurting from one of her arms.

But, despite the danger to her, it was really self-preservation that prompted him to pull his mobile from his pocket and make that 999 call, although it did eat at him to know that. Just like Alicia goading him over that night had also wriggled its way under his skin. He wasn't a monster, he wasn't. How could he be? He was a _doctor_ , for god's sake – he helped people, saved people. He wasn't … He wasn't what she said.

He _wasn't_.

He hadn't meant to hurt her. He just wanted her to stop saying those things. Things that couldn't be true. Things that could ruin everything, ruin him, his career. That wasn't how he saw himself and he couldn't understand how she could. All he'd wanted to do was make her see. Make her realise she'd gotten it all wrong. But she wouldn't leave it, wouldn't stop getting at him. If she had just shut her mouth …

He knew he hadn't helped his cause by coming here though. He'd thought he could talk sense to her, convince her to drop this and let things get back to how they should be.

But now, he couldn't see a way out.

At the very least, he'd breached his bail just by turning up at her house. At worst, who knew how Alicia would spin this? She already had Mrs Beauchamp on her side, and that was before the tears and the blood and …

Oh god, his life was over, wasn't it?

His stomach lurched at that, but he couldn't shake the thought. He'd been convinced he would fight this. In fact, if he was honest, he hadn't even realised he would need to. He was smart, responsible, respectable. Things like this didn't happen to people like him.

He was Doctor Edward McAllister. He was a doctor …

"You have to let me help you," he said suddenly, glass crunching beneath his feet as he made his way to Alicia's side. "That arm-"

"Get away from me!" she screamed, the sound chilling him to the core.

Jesus, she sounded petrified. Of him. They were colleagues. Friends. How had things gotten so twisted up?

"Alicia, you could bleed out," he tried to insist, reaching for her arm, only to have to hold his hands up in retreat when she shied away and screamed at him again.

"Don't you touch me!" she half-sobbed, pale and shaking and practically hysterical.

He could have cried himself, desperation setting in. If she bled out, if she died … He couldn't go to prison, he just couldn't. He wasn't cut out for that, he knew it. He'd never survive. Especially if they thought he was a …

He couldn't even bring himself to think the word.

"Alicia, please …" he tried, but he was too scared to try to treat her against her will in case she fought him and ended up doing more damage. He held out a tea-towel instead, feeling utterly useless. "At least put pressure on it. I've called an ambulance."

She snatched it from him reluctantly, as if it might burn her to touch him, and he closed his eyes, willing himself not to throw up as his stomach churned and he wondered who might answer the distress call. How he'd explain the mess in front of him. For a split second, he even considered just getting the hell out of there.

In fact, he was still considering it when he heard the loud knock on the front door and then boots on the kitchen floor.

"Paramedics!" came the call, the familiar voice making Eddie's heart sink further. "Alicia?"

* * *

Iain Dean strode towards him, shock etching itself across his face as he clapped eyes on the scene and then looked to Eddie for answers. "What the hell happened?" the northerner demanded, not waiting for a response before following the newbie he was mentoring to Alicia's side.

"She … Uh, she fell …" Eddie tried weakly, not liking the suspicion on Iain's face. "She hit the window."

Having forced herself into a sitting position in order to treat herself as best she could under the circumstances, Alicia looked numb as she told the paramedics the extent of her injury.

"It's the brachial artery," she managed.

Eddie could only stand there as they got to work, caught off-guard when Iain once more demanded to know what had happened. It was out of him that they'd been arguing before he could think. But as soon as he'd said it, he knew how it must look – him stood there with not a scratch and her …

"It was an accident," he blurted out, trying to claw back ground. That proved to be yet another mistake.

"He attacked me," Alicia countered, seemingly spurred on by her anger at his version of events as she looked to Iain for support.

Eddie could see the moment the paramedic's heart sank and it sent his own plummeting into his boots with it. He was never going to convince anyone this was an accident, least of all Iain.

"All right, we're here now, sweetheart, okay?" Iain told Alicia gently, before turning his focus to holding her arm steady while Ruby tightened a tourniquet in place, making their patient shriek in agony.

Eddie winced uncomfortably at the sound, raking his fingers through his short hair as his mind raced. For a moment, relief flooded over him when the bleeding was stopped and he thought maybe there was a chance they could still sort this out somehow. That maybe, just maybe no one else needed to know.

Then Iain was on his feet and heading for the ambulance to get a trolley.

"This is a serious assault," he warned Eddie grimly, as he passed him in what remained of the doorway. "I'm phoning the police."

"No!" Eddie panicked, moving to block his path. "You can't – please, it's not what it looks like!"

"I can and I bloody am," Iain retorted. "Listen, you got any idea how many domestics I've seen by now, mate? Any idea how many were _exactly_ what they looked like? You hear hoofbeats, you think horses. Not zebras."

" _She_ attacked _me!_ "

"Tell it to the cops," the paramedic shrugged, taken aback when Eddie blew up at him.

"So you're taking her side too? That's so typical. It's never the woman's fault, is it?" the young doctor ranted, wild-eyed as he slammed his hand down on the counter as all his frustrations threatened to spill over.

"I haven't got time for this _crap_ ," Iain all but spat angrily. "I don't give a damn if my patient's a man, a woman, or a little green alien from Mars if they've been put through a glass door by someone throwing their weight around – you hear me? Now, get out of my way!"

Eddie took a deep breath, his jaw setting in determination. "No."

"What the … Eddie, _move!_ She needs to get to hospital."

"No," came the strained response, along with a shake of the head, albeit a hesitant one.

"Iain?" Ruby's voice lifted to reach them, sounding even more anxious than usual. "Iain, we really need to go. She's still losing a lot of blood."

"You hear that?" the paramedic said, glaring at Eddie before glancing out into the yard over his shoulder. "Be with you in a second, love. Keep putting pressure on-"

But turning back around made Iain cut off mid-sentence.

A large kitchen knife levelled at the throat can have that effect.

* * *

"Eddie, don't be stupid. Put it down."

Eddie stared back at him, looking like he couldn't quite believe what he was doing either. His hand was shaking, but in Iain's book that only made him a bigger, more unstable risk.

"I can't. You don't know what this'll do to me."

"I know what it'll do if she dies. And Eddie, she will die if you don't let me help her."

"Iain?" Ruby called unsurely. "What's going on?"

"Just stay with Alicia, Rubes," Iain replied, suddenly worried his young charge might come to investigate and, sure enough, his fears weren't unfounded.

"We really can't wait any longer," she was saying, her voice drawing closer.

"Ruby, get back outside!" Iain barked.

But it was too late. Recognising her as the more vulnerable of the pair, Eddie flashed out an arm and grabbed the little blonde, hauling her in front of him – between him and Iain – and pressing the sharp blade right against her throat even as she cried out in fear.

Iain swore darkly, his fists clenched helplessly, hating to see the terror in his new colleague's wide blue eyes.

"Eddie, come on, let her go – this is bloody insane!" he tried. "You're only making things worse for yourself."

"Worse?" Eddie laughed bitterly. " _Worse?_ She's already destroyed my life!"

There was plenty Iain could have said to that, having heard the rumours as to exactly what was supposed to have happened between the two doctors, but he bit his tongue for once. It was clear the pressure was getting to Eddie and he couldn't risk him doing anything stupid. Anything _more_ stupid.

"Look," the paramedic tried, trying to summon what little patience he had and stay calm. "One of us needs to be with Alicia, deal with that arm. Why don't you let Ruby go and-"

"No," Eddie shook his head firmly. "She stays right here. You go. But if you try anything, or you try to call the police … I mean it, I'll …"

He trailed off, but his grip on the knife tightened and the blade pressed a little harder against Ruby's skin, drawing a little squeak of fright from her and she squeezed her eyes tightly closed.

Iain's jaw clenched. Fuck.

* * *

He might not have known Ruby that long, but she was on his team now and that meant part of his job was to have her back. And okay, she might rub him up the wrong way sometimes with her persistent by-the-book approach and her awkwardness and endless questions, but she was new and she was trying and he swore if Eddie hurt her, he'd drag him straight to jail himself. If he was lucky.

"Ruby …" Iain said softly. "Ruby, look at me. It's gonna be okay, yeah? I have to go check on Alicia, but I'll be back. I'm not leaving you."

She couldn't have nodded even if she wanted to, not with the knife pressed against her throat. And she looked like she wanted to cry or plead or beg him to stay. But only one word escaped her lips, the whisper so low he almost missed it.

"Go …"

After years spent in Afghanistan, Iain knew better than to think bravery was about not being scared. Experience had taught him it was precisely the opposite – being scared and doing something anyway. And Ruby's bravery right then made him inwardly vow to do more to look out for her. If they made it out of this.

"Good girl," he said, forcing a warm smile for her benefit and then hurrying back out into the yard to crouch beside a violently trembling Alicia. "How you doing, lovie?"

"I … I can't feel my … f-fingers …" she sobbed.

"That'll just be the cold, sweetheart," he bluffed, even though he realised there was little point trying to fool a doctor when it came to her own medical condition. She had to know how bad things were. But it had given him an idea – one he just hoped she could hold on long enough to see through. "She's freezing and I'm worried about shock setting in," he called out for Eddie's benefit, standing up to strip off the heavy outer jacket he had on over his regulation fleece. "Just gonna try getting her warmed up a little."

Settling the jacket around Alicia's shoulders, he wrapped his arms around her, his hands rubbing her back to try to generate a little warmth. "Listen to me," he whispered, his mouth right by her ear. "Left inside pocket. Mobile. Wait until I distract him and then call 999. Can you manage?"

She leaned in against his shoulder, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I … dunno …" she mumbled. "I'm so tired."

"I know, darlin'. We'll have you out of here soon, I promise," he murmured, hugging her tight. "Just hold on."

Climbing to his feet, Iain hoped he sounded more convincing than he felt as he braced himself to go back inside. There was nothing more he could do for Alicia, beyond getting her to the help she so badly needed.

But first … He had to get Ruby away from an increasingly unhinged Eddie.

Preferably without getting one of them killed.


	2. Two

**Author's Note: Big thanks to all those reading and especially to those reviewing for the encouragement!**

* * *

 **Two**

Patience came naturally to some people, but Iain had to admit he wasn't one of them.

He much preferred action to sitting around waiting. It was something that could be instilled in you though, and a military background definitely allowed for that. It took plenty of patience, not to mention nerve, to hold your ground when you knew enemy snipers were poised and ready to fire. It took patience not to break cover, watching and waiting for the signal to move when the stakes were as high as they came.

Now though, waiting it out just wasn't going to be an option. Given that they hadn't been able to fully stem the serious bleed in Alicia's arm, time simply wasn't on their side. Besides, Eddie didn't exactly seem the patient type either. Not under these circumstances anyway.

"Eddie, you really don't need the knife, mate," Iain tried, even though the usually friendly form of address practically stuck in his throat, all things considered. "Me and Ruby, we aren't going anywhere – not when Alicia needs us."

"Alicia, Alicia, Alicia," the glowering young doctor muttered, with a growl of frustration. "She has you all wrapped round her little finger, doesn't she? Acting like butter wouldn't melt when this is all _her_ fault. Oh, come on, you have to know the type, right? All innocent now, but at the time … She couldn't keep her hands off me, you know?"

Former soldier or not, Iain could feel himself losing ground in his hard-fought battle to hold onto that reserve of patience. But he gamely gritted his teeth and said nothing, exchanging a look with a still frightened Ruby that he could only hope went some way towards silence reassurance.

"I know what you're thinking," Eddie snapped, his grip on his captive tightening as he gave her a little shake. "The two of you, judging me. You're all so conditioned, it's pathetic. The first hint of an accusation and that's it. The police didn't even charge me, for god's sake! And do you know why? Because deep down, they know. They _know_ I didn't do anything she didn't want. They know she's just another vicious cow scared of getting found out for what she is – a cheap little _tart_ -"

Iain's hands had long since curled into fists and it was all he could do not to shut the doctor's mouth for him. But even while that shred of restraint remained, he knew he'd heard more than enough. Too much to just let it pass, even if warning bells were going off in his head at how Eddie might react. His whole attitude just rankled with the paramedic, who had the self-awareness to know he was many things himself – plenty of them fitting in the stereotypical _lad's lad_ bracket – but he liked to think he wasn't a complete fucking arsehole.

He may have moved in a lot of male-dominated circles, from the Army to his football team, but there were just too many strong women he cared about in his life to allow him to venture down some predictable path to misogyny. His little sister Gemma, his mates Dixie and Jess, Sam …

"Right …" he seethed, his slow-burning temper simmering away nicely by now. "Whatever else happens here, you're gonna have to shut your bloody mouth. 'Cause frankly, I'd sooner do meself in than listen to your crap."

Eddie opened his mouth to protest, but Iain simply shook his head and ploughed on. "Nah, I've heard all I need to, thanks, _Doctor McAllister_. Blokes like you? Privileged little shits? You make me sick. Probably never been told no in your life and then suddenly some poor girl dares spoil your fun and you throw your toys out of the pram. Except it's a bit more than that, isn't it? What you did, you and your flaming temper tantrum, you've no idea the hurt-"

"Oh please, she was _fine_. Just looking for drama where there was no need for any. Loving the attention …"

"Well, she's certainly got my attention now," Iain said, his voice rising angrily. "Oh, she's got my attention all right and d' ya know what? I _believe_ her. Every damn word. I. Believe. _Her_."

* * *

With Eddie's surprisingly strong arm locked across her chest from behind, Ruby could only clutch at it helplessly as she watched in a mixture of fearfulness and something closer to awe as Iain finally gave her captor a piece of his mind. She so badly wanted not to let the side down, to be brave and calm and in control – not that the latter was really much of an option when you'd effectively been taken hostage, she supposed. But, inwardly, she couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what angering the doctor might do, and it was getting harder and harder to swallow down the rising panic inside.

She was trembling, she knew she was, and that wasn't smart with a potentially lethal blade barely millimetres from your jugular. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. She was a paramedic. They were supposed to help people, not need rescuing themselves. And this, Iain confronting Eddie … It wasn't even protocol. Not that she had exactly thought to read up on hostage situations, despite her usual thoroughness when it came to preparation. Which, she now realised, was probably more of a failing than it initially sounded.

Okay, it wasn't – she hoped – an everyday thing, but with drugs on board the ambulance and in their grab bags, they probably were obvious targets for some pretty desperate people out there. She should have thought of that, before it was too late. Because here they were, not faced with an addict, but still in a fairly desperate situation and she didn't have a clue what to do. They should be staying calm though surely. Finding a way to somehow request assistance, waiting for police back-up, not allowing things to escalate …

Not goading the volatile man wielding the knife.

But, despite all that flashing through her brain quicker than she could really process it, Ruby was surprised to find that she did trust Iain. She didn't really know much about him yet, but he was her senior and he was confident, good at taking charge. She saw that in Sam too, and Jan, and couldn't help but envy it. She could study all the books she could get her hands on, take all the notes possible and pour over them for hours on end, but she couldn't seem to teach herself to … feel like she knew what she was doing. To be assertive.

No, she just seemed to waver and worry and stammer, flushing at the thought of sounding incompetent in front of everyone else, realising the looks and smirks that were often exchanged when she forgot herself and got lost in the minutiae of a case and only getting all the more flustered because of it.

She was worrying right now, for Alicia, for Iain, for herself. For how this would look in their reports, that she'd allowed herself to end up in such a vulnerable position. For how the fall-out of it all would affect the ED …

But, despite all that, she also found herself feeling oddly proud of her straight-talking mentor for his stance. She'd been shocked by the rumours running rife about exactly what had gone on between the two doctors to have the police show up and arrest Eddie in the middle of a shift. It was a lot to process just weeks into a new job, surrounded by new people.

And, true to form and even though it didn't really have anything to do with her, she worried over it. Would people take sides? Would she be expected to? Was one of their doctors really capable of what they were saying? Would another even dream of lying about that kind of thing? She didn't know them, not really, but she had to admit … She couldn't imagine any woman putting herself through what Alicia must be going through if they didn't feel they had to. Not when she had so much to lose.

And she'd worried over that too. Was she wrong to make such assumptions? Was she too conditioned into certain ways of thinking to keep an open mind? Now though, Iain's stance seemed to offer reassurance and clarity. If she was honest, it had flitted across her mind that she wouldn't be surprised if he came down on Eddie's side. Guys interpreting things in the same way, having the same expectations, sticking together.

But doubting Alicia's side of the story hadn't seemed to cross his mind for a second. And he was certainly making his feelings known, anger and disgust etched across his face as he jabbed an accusing finger at Eddie.

"I can see exactly how this played out. She's supposed to be your friend and your colleague and you _raped_ her. No! _I'm_ talking now, you shut your face," Iain seethed. "You raped her just because you could and you thought you got away with it and then, when the police came calling, you panicked …"

It may have told her plenty about her mentor as a person, but Ruby couldn't help the little gasp that escaped as she felt the doctor's fingers bite painfully into her arm and he tensed under the relentless dressing down.

"Iain," she tried, hating how small and scared her voice sounded, but the knife was pressing harder against her throat and she knew tears were escaping down her cheeks at the thought of how this might end.

"You stormed round here shouting the odds," the dark-haired paramedic pressed on, doing a fair bit of shouting himself as his temper flared and he got in Eddie's face. "And you thought you'd scare her into making this all go away, or maybe you thought you'd shut her up yourself. Look at her, look at what you've done!"

Ruby heard the scream, but didn't even really realise it had come from her own lips in the midst of the chaos that followed. All she knew was that she'd been shoved to the ground, hitting her head a fairly solid crack off something on the way down. She heard the yelling though, sounds of a struggle and a grunt of pain.

Then just ragged breathing in the dim light of Alicia's kitchen.

* * *

"I … I didn't mean …"

A shaking hand went to Ruby's throat and came away bloody, in a white-hot flare of panic.

"It wasn't my _fault!_ "

She could hear the hysteria in Eddie's voice, glass crunching under his feet, and realised he had turned and fled out the ruined door, past a barely conscious Alicia and into the night. Even as she struggled to sit up, the familiar wail of sirens drifted towards them from somewhere down the street.

"R-Rubes? You okay?"

She didn't know, she just didn't know. There was blood, damp and sticky, on her fingers and possibly running into her eye. That must be from where she hit her head, she thought, not knowing whether she should be staying still or trying to get up to assess the extent of the damage.

Something wasn't right though. Something she couldn't quite process, until she realised Iain wasn't coming to check on her despite his call. And his voice didn't sound like it usually did …

"Thought I could … stop him …" he managed ruefully, making the young paramedic cry out when she realised he was slumped in a heap against Alicia's kitchen cupboards. "Might have … miscalculated."

The knife in his chest suggested there was no _might_ about it.


	3. Three

**Author's Note: I wasn't sure how much interest there would be, so big thanks for the support - the great feedback definitely fuels the spark driving this! I hope you'll understand my approach in trying to skirt some of the medical jargon to focus on the drama and the characters. It's obviously important to the show, but I don't have the advantage of expert advisors lol! ;)**

* * *

 **Three**

He'd been stabbed. He'd been stabbed trying to protect her. She'd been utterly useless, letting herself get pulled into a vulnerable position and now Iain was … He was …

Ruby could barely breathe, frozen in horror as the full extent of the situation hit her and threatened to overwhelm her until the moans of pain from her mentor forced her onto her feet. She felt a little woozy, but she thought that was probably shock more than anything. Her head was bleeding freely and was pretty painful, but she could only hope it was actually relatively superficial. And she'd already established the blood on her throat was just a nick from the blade, where it had caught her in all the confusion. Iain, on the other hand …

She couldn't believe Eddie had actually _stabbed_ him. That he was even threatening them with a knife in the first place had seemed too surreal to really sink in. At least whatever had happened with Alicia, he had stayed and sought help. Now though, he had simply fled, leaving two lives in the balance.

Ruby touched a trembling hand to her throbbing head and tried to remember her training.

"I … I need to assess the wound," she managed, all the cardinal rules of treating a penetrating injury flashing through her mind, her heart racing at the thought of messing this up. She'd been trying so hard to impress everyone – especially Iain and Sam - but it seemed like the harder she tried, the more she got it wrong.

Whatever he might think of her though, she was currently all Iain had.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to remove the knife. That could do more harm than good," she said, talking more to herself than to her fellow paramedic. "It could actually be doing something to stem the bleed and …"

Iain was trying to follow what she was doing, but his head lolled weakly on his shoulders and his eyes started to drift closed, much to Ruby's alarm.

"Iain? _Iain!_ Come on, you need to stay with me," she exclaimed, patting his cheek to try to rouse him.

"Can't …" he groaned, reaching blindly to try to grab her arm. "R-Ruby … Sam … Tell Sam …"

"Tell Sam what?" she prompted, trying to keep him talking. Anything to keep him conscious. "Iain! Okay … Stay calm … We've just got to lie you down …"

She could hear the sirens down the street getting closer, inwardly praying they were somehow on their way to them – that perhaps Iain had managed to radio for back-up when he was outside with Alicia. But, realising she couldn't just do nothing in the meantime, she tried to ease him down flat on the blood-stained floor. God, there was so much blood. She couldn't even properly tell how badly injured he was yet, but she could guess, given that his uniform was already soaked through.

Ruby looked around for something to stem the flow, grabbing a couple of tea-towels from the counter and packing them around the knife, getting a groan from Iain as she applied pressure as best she could.

"Sorry!" she said hastily, her brain working feverishly to try to think of anything else she could do to help, but before she had the chance, she heard a familiar call from the front of the house. Even though she knew they were far from being out of the woods yet, she couldn't help the wave of relief that washed over her at the thought of no longer being solely responsible for however this played out.

"Hello? Paramedics! Alicia?"

Torn between staying with her patient and being anxious to get help as quickly as possible, Ruby scrambled to her feet and dashed out into the hall. "We're here, we're in here. Oh, please, come quick!"

* * *

"Ruby!" Sam exclaimed, startled at the sight of the little blonde with blood pouring from her head and neck. "You're hurt – what the hell happened?" she demanded, concern in the frown that knitted her brow.

"No … I mean, it's not me," the young paramedic managed. "I'm okay, sort of. It's Alicia and-"

"Don't worry," Sam interrupted. "When Control said another call had been made to the same address and we couldn't get hold of you, we brought back-up just in case. Doctor Hardy's here now and he'll help look after Alicia, so let me look after you. You need to tell me what's happened and-"

" _Sam_ ," Ruby tried again, her voice wavering almost frantically and finally getting the other woman's full attention. "It … It's Iain."

"What? What do you mean, it's Iain?"

She had always dreaded the prospect of having to deliver bad news, but before Ruby could even try to find the words to explain, Sam had already hurried into the house, coming to an abrupt halt in the blood-soaked mess of the kitchen.

"No," she whispered breathlessly, appalled to find her partner lying lifeless in the middle of it all with a knife in his chest. "Oh no, no, no, no ... Iain!"

Dropping to her knees by his side, she quickly felt for a pulse, her own heart seeming to skip a beat before he stirred groggily and his eyes flickered open to meet hers.

"So I leave you alone for five minutes and this is what you get up to, huh?" she said, somehow managing to force a weak smile for his benefit.

"S-Sam," he slurred, struggling as if to try to sit up. "I'm … I'm s-sorry …"

"Oi, you stop that, Iain Dean!" she warned, a chill running down her spine at the thought of what he might be trying to apologise for. "Just lie still and don't try to talk - you need to save your strength, okay? I'm here now. We've got this, you hear me? We've got this."

Spurring into action even as she spoke, she set about cutting through his standard issue shirt so she could better assess what they were up against, grimacing at sight of the blade deeply embedded in his flesh. Given their history, she knew all his scars intimately, from the old shrapnel wound in his shoulder to the bullet graze she'd sewn up herself, and even the lasting marks of a bad football tackle. But even he had nothing like this.

"If y-you wanted to … get me kit off … y-you only had to … ask," Iain managed, the ghost of his usual cheeky grin just about tugging at the corner of his mouth. "It's … It's bad, innit?"

"I've seen worse," Sam said gamely, pulling pressure dressings from her grab bag to replace the sodden tea-towels previously used. And it was true, she had. But never in someone she cared about.

And she did care. There was no denying that. Not when the very sight of him lying there in a pool of his own blood was enough to make her feel sick to her stomach, in a way not even the goriest of injuries ever had.

"We're just going to stop this bleed, get you stabilized and then … Iain? _Iain!_ "

But he had already faded back out of consciousness, his head falling to one side and his pulse weakening when she quickly checked it.

"Sam?"

The former Army medic could hear her boss's lilting voice, but as far as she was concerned, her patient was the priority. Everything else could wait. That was always her style – the fact her patient this time was her partner, and his condition was rapidly worsening, only intensified that.

"Sam," Jan tried again when she didn't get any response, sounding concerned but firm. "You need to come away, my love. You shouldn't be the one to treat him."

"He needs me," Sam insisted, through gritted teeth as she tried to get a line in.

"You're too close to this. You know that's not how we do things, and for good reason. Now, Doctor Hardy's dealing with Alicia and another crew's on the way, so let me take over here and you can go check on Ruby."

But Sam had no intention of moving aside.

"There's no right way to do this," she ground out, rounding on her boss even as she kept working. "We're all part of the same team. Us, Alicia, Ethan, Ruby … However we do this, we're too close. But Iain's my _partner_ and it's my job to have his back. So either help me, or get out of my way."

* * *

So _that_ was the overstepping Sam Nicholls she'd heard about.

On any other occasion, Jan wouldn't have let it fly and would have had zero issue coolly reminding her paramedics exactly who was boss and why. But, with distress etched all over the usually confident Sam's face, no matter how much of a brave front she might try to put on it, the older woman decided to cut her some slack under the circumstances. Besides, her loyalty to her partner could only be to her credit.

She hadn't figured those two out fully yet, but she would. Oh, yes, she would. She had to admit, she'd initially assumed Sam, going by what she'd been told, wouldn't be much of a team player at all. Too independent. And she could see she was certainly that, and headstrong to boot. But she had to admit that she and Iain certainly seemed to work well together. In fact, if they could be a little more patient with their newest recruit's quirks, Ruby could stand to learn a lot from the pair of them.

They were a tightknit team though, so the youngster would have to find a way to fit in with them first. Jan had supposed maybe they just understood each other better than most, what with both of them having military backgrounds and all. There was a real fondness there too though, anyone could see that – something that seemed to run deeper than the banter they threw around so easily.

"We'll be having words," Jan said, in the mere seconds it had taken to decide on a plan of action. "Right now though, let's focus on getting him stable enough to move. I'm supposed to be building this team – I'm not having one of you cutting out on me now. Do you hear me, Iain Dean? You stay with us. That's an order. Hopefully, you're not as adverse to listening as your partner …"

Sam caught her eye over Iain's head, the look of unspoken thanks saying more than actual words could have, before she turned her attention back to the job in hand.

"You heard the boss," she murmured to her unconscious patient, a gentle hand brushing through that messily spiked dark hair. "Stay with us."


	4. Four

**Author's Note: As always, thanks for reading and especially reviewing. The drama's not done yet ... ;)**

 **Four**

"Alicia …"

Ethan could hardly believe the mess that was unfolding right in front of his eyes. In fact, he was still reeling from the arrest of their colleague and subsequent revelations around why. But this, this was too much.

There was blood everywhere, one of their paramedics fighting for his life, and Alicia … Alicia clearly having gone through a terrible trauma of her own, on top of everything she must have been dealing with before now.

"Did _he_ do this?" he demanded desperately, needing to know just how badly he had misjudged Eddie McAllister. Just how badly he had let down the woman in front of him. "Alicia, was this Eddie?"

Trembling violently under the coat that had been wrapped around her, she barely managed a nod, but it was all the confirmation Ethan needed and he immediately took himself inwardly to task for not having realised something was very, very wrong in his department.

He knew there was no time for that now though. With a tourniquet firmly in place on her badly wounded arm, he knew they had to move quickly or she could lose it, so he was already doing what he could to administer pain relief and put additional pressure on the bleed in the hope of fully stemming it. But, all the while, questions and concerns and fervent apologies kept bubbling to his lips despite his best efforts to concentrate on the task in hand – something only made all the more difficult by the wailing sirens and blue lights flashing.

Another back-up ambulance crew had arrived, while police also seemed to be everywhere - looking for Eddie, Ethan hoped.

Alicia was his priority though and she kept drifting in and out of consciousness, but he thought she knew he was there for her. He thought he made out his name, and Eddie's, tangled up in the pained whimpers that made his heart ache.

"You're safe now," Ethan blurted out, realising the foolishness of such a statement when her condition was clearly so grave, but pushing that to one side. He knew what he meant, and could only hope she did too – that he would do everything in his power to make this better, and to make sure Eddie answered for what he'd done. "Listen to me, Alicia, you're safe. We're going to get you to the hospital and your friends are going to take care of you. We've got this, I promise."

Then Jan was by his side, her brow furrowed anxiously as she took in Alicia's pale face and the blood still seeping through the pad on her arm.

"If she's okay to move, we need to go," the senior paramedic said. "Sam and the other crew are taking Iain and Ruby's all right to sit up back with you. She needs that head seeing to as soon as we get in, mind."

"Uh, yes," Ethan nodded. "We really should get Alicia into the ED theatre as soon as possible."

"Don't you worry about that, Doctor Hardy. I've been told I've got a fairly heavy right foot when it's needed," Jan said grimly. "I'll call ahead. Let them brace themselves."

* * *

Some things would never change.

Charlie had almost lost track of the number of years he'd spent in Holby General, but those calls – the ones you both dreaded and yet somehow never saw coming – always had the same effect. The bustling ED seemed to fade into so much scenery, and even the loud thuds of trolleys hitting swinging doors died away, along with the busy tread of feet and the usual chatter of doctors, nurses, porters, patients.

Their little world seemed to slow, and then flip back into real time the moment that phone receiver was hung up again. He could feel the eyes on him, like they already knew somehow. And maybe, on some level, they did.

Maybe it was etched all over his face.

"Charlie?"

He cleared his throat at the sharp questioning word from the formidable Connie Beauchamp, realising in that second that she knew – or at least suspected broadly – what was coming. And what she was really asking was how bad it was. What they were facing this time.

"Right, ladies and gentlemen," Charlie started, raising his voice to get the attention of all staff in the vicinity. "A tough night ahead, I'm afraid. It appears that, earlier this evening, Control received a 999 call from Alicia's – yes, Doctor Munroe. Now, she's sustained a deep laceration to an arm, causing an arterial bleed. But there's more … While treating Alicia, the ambulance crew came under some kind of attack and …well, there's no easy way to say this, Iain Dean has been stabbed-"

"Oh my god, _what?!_ What do you mean, stabbed?"

Charlie looked around dismayed, realising he had completely forgotten that the paramedic's little sister worked in the hospital and was now staring at him wide-eyed in shock. "Gemma …" he sighed, kicking himself for his lack of foresight. "I'm so sorry."

"How bad is it? Please, you have to tell me," the young porter demanded frantically, tears already welling up and sending Rash hurrying to her side to try to offer some shred of comfort.

"We won't know more until they get here," Charlie tried. "But, Gemma, trust me, he's in good hands. Sam's with him – you know she's going to be doing everything she can for him."

"He's all I've got - I can't lose him, I can't!" Gemma cried, clinging to Rash and sobbing into his scrub top. "How did this happen? Why would anyone do this?"

"I … I don't know, love," Charlie said, patting her shoulder gently. "But we'll get to the bottom of it. I promise."

Then the doors crashed open and the department swung into action, as it always did.

Only this time – but, unfortunately, not for the first time – the stakes involved two of their own.

* * *

"He's in VF!"

Sam's hand flew to her mouth and it took every ounce of restraint she had not to dash across the theatre to try to help. But, realising there was a danger of too many people getting in each other's way, she had been forced to obey orders and not try to revert back into doctor mode, having left that world behind.

So instead, she could only watch as her ex-husband fought to save the man whose bed she had sought comfort in on the other side of the world. It was certainly surreal, but then her life had often leaned that way, hadn't it? And ultimately, she trusted Dylan to lay any personal animosities to one side. He would do everything in his power for Iain, just like he would for any of his patients. He was a much better doctor than he was husband. Even he would have conceded that.

"Stand clear. Shocking."

She winced as the electrical charge rippled through her partner's prone body, hating every second of seeing him like this. As a soldier, Iain had been through some incredibly dark times, but he was still always so full of life – life and laughs and stupid jokes. But much as he never seemed to take the day-to-day stuff too seriously, he was also always there after a rough shift with a pint or an arm thrown around her shoulders. His easy banter and infectious smiles kept her sane, not that she'd ever tell him that.

He was, it slowly dawned on her, the best friend she'd ever had.

"Charge again – two-hundred. Clear. Shocking."

The charge racked through him and Sam bit her lip hard enough to hurt. They were losing him. They were losing him and she couldn't bear it.

"Iain …" she whispered below her breath. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare …"

* * *

Looking up at the sound of footsteps as she waited in a cubicle to have the cut on her head stitched, Ruby couldn't read the look on her boss's face, but her anxiety still ramped up a gear in expectation of news.

"They're still working on him," Jan said, pre-empting the question. "Still, I suppose we're meant to believe that old saying and assume no news is good news."

"How's Sam?"

"Worried sick," Jan sighed. "You know those two – thick as thieves."

Ruby nodded slowly, her face downcast as she transferred her gaze back to the fingers twisting nervously in her lap. She did know. Iain and Sam were a team and she was just an outsider. Any chance of changing that had to have faded now. Even if Iain recovered, he would always remember that he had been stabbed trying to save her. And if … if he didn't … Sam would never, ever forgive her.

"This is my fault," she blurted out, tears escaping despite her best efforts to hold them back, and she wiped at them with the edge of her sleeve, embarrassed to show such weakness in front of anyone.

"Now, we won't be having any of that, thank you," Jan said, in her most no-nonsense voice. "Let's put that blame firmly where it belongs – on Doctor McAllister."

"But-"

"But nothing! Ruby, there was nothing you could have done."

"Iain _told_ me to stay where I was and I didn't listen," she insisted. "I didn't mean to disobey him, I just …"

"You couldn't have known there was a knife involved. You didn't ask for any of this. Neither did Iain."

"He was trying to save me."

"And that makes him brave and, if I'm honest, bloody reckless," Jan retorted. "But it doesn't change the fact that Eddie was the one with the knife, and the one who chose to use it. Now, buck up, my love. Because Iain and Sam, they need us to hold the fort. And when you're ready, the police are going to need a statement."

"Have they found him yet? Eddie?"

"No," Jan said grimly. "The little weasel seems to have scurried under a rock somewhere. But don't worry, he'll turn up. He can't hide forever. And when he does …"


	5. Five

**Five**

"My arm …"

Alicia shifted woozily, still slightly out of it, but realising her entire arm seemed to be immobilised and feeling a flare of panic as to why that might be.

"Hey, easy now," came a soft, comforting voice. "Don't go undoing my hard work."

"E-Ethan?"

"Right here," he confirmed, coming into focus as he moved closer and offered her an almost shy smile. "You had us worried, Doctor Munroe, but you're out of the woods now."

"My arm …"

"Should heal quite quickly, now we've dealt with the arterial bleed – the wound was very deep, but a clean incision which made it easier to treat. Get some rest, Alicia. Doctor's orders."

She managed a weak smile, mouthing a _thank you_ she couldn't quite bring herself to say out loud as her emotions threatened to get the better of her. Her eyes drifted closed, only to bring dark flashes of what had happened flooding back and make them fly open again.

"Ruby and Iain," she tried, in little more than a rough whisper, already dreading the answer as it dawned on her that this nightmare might not quite be over yet. "W-What happened? Are they okay?"

"You … You really should rest," Ethan said awkwardly, wishing he had it in him to sound more reassuring and silently cursing himself when he saw the fear that flitted back over her face. "Let us worry about them."

"Ethan, please, I have to know," she begged, her distress only growing in response to his reluctance.

"Ruby is fine," he conceded finally. "Shaken, minor head injury with possible concussion and some other scrapes, but a few stitches and she will be fine. Iain … They're still working on Iain. But Dylan and Connie are on the case. He couldn't be in better hands, you know that."

She closed her eyes, anguished to realise just how far-reaching the consequences were of everything that had happened between her and Eddie. More than ever, she wished with all her heart that she had never clapped eyes on the F1. "How bad?" she asked, her eyes still closed as if she could brace herself against the news.

"Alicia …" Ethan tried, before seeming to think the better of prolonging an agony caused by not knowing and taking a deep breath to deliver the truth. "He suffered a penetrating stab wound to the chest, complicated by developing a tension pneumothorax in resus. They hadn't been able to stabilise him yet when I came to check on you. They're doing everything they can though."

"And Eddie, did they arrest him?"

The pause said everything he hadn't meant it to and her eyes flew open again in even more distress, if that was even possible.

"Ethan, where is he?"

"I … I don't know," the doctor said helplessly. "The police haven't found him … Alicia, please, don't even think about moving – if you restart that bleed, you could do even more damage than before. They will find him, I promise. He can't hurt you anymore."

But they both knew she didn't believe that. It was written all over her face.

* * *

"I … I feel like I should get back out there – do something useful," Ruby tried tentatively.

"With a concussion, even if it is a mild one? No chance," Jan said firmly. "No, I've called in a few favours to get some emergency back-up, so I'll go make sure things are ticking over and I need you to stay here – keep an eye on Sam and update me on Iain as soon as you hear anything. They were sending him up to cardiothoracics as soon as he was stable enough, last I heard."

"Sam isn't going to want me hanging around …"

"Nonsense. She might be too distracted to show it, but she'll be glad of the moral support. And you can help keep Gemma calm too. Go on, get out of that mess of a uniform and then go find Sam. That's a good girl."

 _Good girl …_

That was what Iain had said when she'd told him it was okay to go and check on Alicia, leaving her with Eddie and with the cold steel of that knife at her throat. Now he was fighting for his life and she had walked away with nothing more than a scratch and a few stitches in her head.

Ruby tried to shake that off as she headed to collect her stuff and get changed into her street clothes, glad of a quick shower and to be out of her blood-stained uniform. Truth be told, she could have stayed under the hot spray much longer, but she couldn't help feeling guilty that she was even taking time to freshen up while Sam was probably pacing a corridor somewhere on her own, refusing to take a break for even five minutes.

The little blonde couldn't help the pang of loneliness she felt as the image of Sam keeping up her vigil kept drifting back to her as she laced up her trainers and grabbed her bag to head upstairs to find her colleague. She didn't think there was anyone in her life, outside her immediate family, who would do that for her. Her parents would, of course, and she knew she should feel lucky to have them and to have a good relationship with them. But … she couldn't help thinking it would be nice to have a proper friend for once.

Ruby tried to push those thoughts away too though, immediately feeling guilty for envying Sam when she saw how worried the other woman looked as she paced the floor of the relatives' room.

"No news?" Ruby asked, before realising that was a stupid question, but Sam simply shook her head, clearly too distracted to call her on it. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee?"

"Rash took Gemma to get some," Sam said. "Did Jan send you to babysit? Because I'll be fine, Ruby – you don't have to be here. You can go."

Much as the young paramedic knew she couldn't expect to be fully one of the team after so little time, her heart still sank to realise just how much of an outsider she was. But she let it slide as best she could. "Can I have your locker key please?"

"What?" Sam asked, clearly confused by the out-of-the-blue question. "Why?"

"I thought I could go and get your stuff. If I brought it up here, you could at least change in the bathroom just down the hall. It would only take two minutes. Your uniform's still … all blood."

Sam looked down at herself, as if she hadn't even realised what she was wearing, and then managed a faint smile for Ruby. "That'd be good," she said, unclipping the little keyring attached to her belt and handing it over. "Thank you."

"I won't be long."

* * *

"We really should do this as soon as possible …"

"And I understand that," Ethan said, frowning at the uniformed police officer stood in front of him. "But my patient has to come first and she has been through a terrible ordeal."

"All the more reason to help us with our enquiries and make sure whoever caused her injuries answers for it."

"We've already told you who was behind this – Eddie McAllister! You arrested him once, now do it again."

"I'm afraid I really do need to hear from Doctor Munroe herself."

"Fine," Ethan exhaled. "This way."

* * *

When Ruby returned with a holdall in one hand and a thick navy hoodie in the other, Gemma was curled up in an armchair, red-eyed and nursing a hot drink she didn't seem interested in, while Sam was still pacing restlessly as another polystyrene cup went untouched on the coffee table.

"Thanks," she said automatically, reaching for her bag before her eye fell on the hoodie and she took it in both hands instead. "This … This is Iain's."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ruby stammered, worrying that she had once again inadvertently done something awfully insensitive. "I didn't realise … It was with your things …"

"It's okay," Sam said quietly, her fingers running over the soft material. "I nicked it off him when he made me go watch one of his football matches in the freezing cold. Moral support for a big final, you know? Told me I had to buy him a pint if he scored."

"Did he?" Ruby asked, unsure if it was her place to say anything.

"Twice," Sam said, rolling her eyes at the memory. "Wouldn't shut up about it either. I … I'm going to change. I'll be two minutes, but come and get me if there's any news, yeah?"

"Of course," Ruby nodded. "Do you want me to take that back?"

But Sam held on tightly to the hoodie and shook her head. "It's fine. I'll keep it."

* * *

"And then what happened, Doctor Munroe?"

Alicia took a deep shaky breath, trying not to let the memory of it overwhelm her and not really succeeding. "He grabbed me," she managed. "And he … It was like he threw me. I heard the glass smashing. The pain, it was so … sharp and sudden and then other cuts were stinging. But my arm, I could feel the blood … pulsing …"

"How did Doctor McAllister react? Did he go to help you at all?"

"He tried," she admitted. "I didn't want him near me. He'd just thrown me through a door, how could I let him touch me?"

"Did you know at that stage the extent of the injury to your arm?"

Alicia nodded, wondering if that made her sound like the crazy one – knowing she could bleed out, knowing she could lose her arm, and yet still not allowing an actual doctor to help her. But the thought of his hands on her after everything, even before that confrontation …

"Don't worry, Alicia," the police officer said, easing up on the almost stern approach when he saw the look on her face. "You're doing really well. This will all just help paint a picture of exactly what happened."

"Have they found him yet?" she asked, scared to hear the answer and yet already knowing what it must be. She'd have heard if there had been a development.

"They're still searching," the officer said. "But he'll turn up, don't you worry. Sooner or later."

But that was exactly what was worrying Alicia. That it might be later.

* * *

Bundling her blood-stained uniform into her holdall, Sam set it on the counter that held the row of sinks in the small public bathroom and stared into the mirror as she tugged her hair out of its plait and ran her fingers through the loose waves.

This couldn't be happening. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Any time she had a bad day at work, Iain was the first port of call to vent to, usually over a drink in the pub. What was she supposed to do now?

She tried to tell herself he would be fine. He was Corporal Iain Dean. Tough, confident, indestructible.

Except he wasn't. She knew that. She had seen him at his most vulnerable, struggling with PTSD even while trying to help one of his former army buddies. How he'd been deceived in Afghanistan, how he'd lost most of his unit, it had haunted him. He wasn't as tough as everyone thought.

They'd know that if they'd seen how he'd looked as he blamed himself. How he'd looked when he'd told her he'd missed her. When his fingers twisted around hers. Lost. He'd looked lost. And she'd never so badly wanted to wrap her arms round him and hold him tight. But she couldn't. Not then.

And now .. now she might not get another chance.

Sam took a deep breath and steeled herself to go back to the waiting room. Back to Gemma and probably Ruby. She wasn't very good at waiting, but what other choice did she have?

So she made sure no tell-tale tears had escaped and then, after a second's thought, she pulled the navy hoodie on over her plain white t-shirt. It was a bit too big, but it was soft and cosy and it smelt very faintly like Iain's aftershave and, wrapped up in it, she could almost imagine he'd pulled her into one of his enthusiastic hugs.

She could wait if she had to. For him. Because he would do the same for her.

But it turned out she didn't have to.

Because, when Sam returned to the waiting room, Jac Naylor herself was already there and Gemma was in floods of tears.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I kept this down here this time to avoid spoiling anything, but just wanted to say - as any Holby fans have probably now guessed - I've employed even more creative licence, by basically deciding that Jac is still working without major issue at this time.**

 **I haven't decided how big a crossover this may become, as it wasn't really deliberate, but just seemed to make sense with Iain "going upstairs" for treatment ... As always, thanks for reading and I'd love to hear what you think!**


	6. Six

**Author's Note: Thanks, as always, to those reading and especially reviewing - it's always nice to hear your thoughts on what you liked or didn't. Hope you're still enjoying this!**

* * *

 **Six**

"Jac, how is he?"

Darwin's inimitable Jac Naylor turned towards Sam and, for a moment, the paramedic couldn't read the expression on her face and her breath seemed to catch in her throat.

"Well, I tend to take anything less than a full recovery from my patients as a personal insult," the surgeon shrugged coolly, her arms folded over her chest. "So you better make sure Iain knows that when you see him."

"Oh, thank god," Sam exhaled, relief flooding over her as the implication of that sank in and she realised Gemma was crying for much the same reason, with Ruby awkwardly patting her shoulder.

"He kept us on our toes," Jac admitted. "And he's not quite out of the woods yet, but we're getting there and, all in all, I'd say he was actually pretty lucky. I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but it could have been a lot worse. What the hell happened out there? I heard there's an F2 recovering on Keller and I can't seem to stop my staff chattering like teenage girls, but you know what this place can be like for Chinese whispers …"

"Probably all true this time," Sam sighed. "Unfortunately. The police are looking for Eddie McAllister, the F1 – seems he attacked Alicia Munroe at her home and then Iain and Ruby here got caught up in it on the call-out."

"Jesus," Jac said, taking that in as her sharp gaze drifted to finally properly take in Ruby's injuries. "You're new? Quite the baptism of fire by the sound of it."

"It … It probably looks worse than it is," Ruby managed, touching a self-conscious hand to her fresh stitches. "Iain got the worst of it."

"No kidding," Jac said, raising a wry eyebrow. "Takes more than a bumped head to end up on my table. Anyway, I really should get back."

"Can we see Iain?" Gemma asked, trying to sniffle back tears and wiping at her eyes with a well-crumpled tissue. "Someone should be there when he wakes up."

"One at a time, but yes, I'll allow it," Jac said, glancing at Sam. "It really should be family only, but I can't see anyone complaining about a patient having their own personal paramedic on standby. I think we can allow a little leeway, under the circumstances."

"Thanks, Jac – I appreciate it."

"You sure you don't want to go get some rest though? It could be a long night and I can assure you, Iain's in good hands. It could be a while before he comes round …"

"I'm staying," Gemma said immediately, a determined streak just like her brother's flaring up.

"Yeah, thanks, but I'll stay too," Sam said.

"I thought you might say that," Jac nodded, casting a knowing look at the paramedic that made Sam inwardly roll her eyes and realise there was probably nothing that got past Jac Naylor.

Not on her turf anyway, and as far as the surgeon was concerned, the whole damn hospital was her turf.

* * *

Feeling her eyes drifting closed out of sheer exhaustion, Alicia forced them open again and fixed her gaze firmly on the ceiling of the dimly lit ward. She was supposed to be resting, but she didn't dare go to sleep. How could she with Eddie still out there somewhere?

The hospital never really slept either, not well at least. There was always something or someone contributing to the low hum of noise – staff coming and going, their rubber soles occasionally squeaking on the tiled floors, or patients shifting restlessly, or snoring, or emitting the occasional moans of pain.

It was quieter than the ED though, where sometimes nights could be the most frantic and the loudest. But in that relative quiet of Keller, it was all the easier for every footstep and shadow to make her tense. She couldn't help it. Her head might tell her that this would be the last place _he_ would go, but she still couldn't make herself believe it. Part of her was … waiting.

Because he had to know the mess this whole situation had now become. That the whole story of the attack on her and stabbing Iain would finish him for good, even if the police couldn't make the rape charge stick.

So with nothing left to lose, in her mind there was every chance he might decide to finish her too.

And she saw him reach for her every time she closed her eyes, leaving her biting back a scream of terror and fighting to tell herself he'd have to be crazy to try it. Not that it helped much.

After all, that hadn't exactly held him back so far.

* * *

It had taken more selflessness than she thought she possessed to let Gemma go see her brother first, watching from the window into the small side-room as the girl sat by his bedside and tearfully scolded him for getting hurt. Save for the livid line of neat stitches down his chest and the host of machines he was hooked up to, he looked oddly peaceful though – Sam, who had often claimed that the only time Iain was quiet was when he was asleep, wasn't sure she liked it. Sure, she knew he needed the time to heal and recover, but she'd rather have him up and cracking jokes. Even bad ones.

She leaned her head against the cool glass, pulling his hoodie tighter around her as tiredness crept into her muscles, only to glance around at the soft clearing of a throat from behind her. Ruby, looking as sheepish and somehow out of place as always.

"I brought more tea," the rookie said, holding out a polystyrene cup.

"Thanks," Sam said, summoning a slight smile. "Listen, Ruby, you should go home and get some rest. No one will think any the less of you for calling it a night under the circumstances, honest."

"I … I feel like I should at least say thank you. For saving me," Ruby said, looking through the glass at their unconscious colleague. "And sorry, that this awful thing happened. I don't want him to think I … don't care. About the team."

Realising just how hard the young woman was trying to figure out her place, Sam sighed. She really was trying and they probably could have made it easier for her, if they were honest. And what a start she was enduring in a new career that always had the potential to be tough anyway – no wonder the poor girl looked dazed.

"Phone," Sam said, holding out her hand. "Give me your phone. I'm going to text mine from yours, that way I'll have your number and I'll let you know how he is when he's awake. Okay?"

"Okay," Ruby nodded, watching as Sam punched a few buttons and then handed the phone back as her own beeped in the back pocket of her jeans.

"There," Sam said. "Now, go on – go home, Ruby. I'll tell Iain you were asking for him. Try not to worry."

"You too," Ruby said solemnly, making Sam smile in that way that said she would do her best.

All while she thought there was fat chance of that.

* * *

Much as she had desperately wanted to trade places with Gemma and see for herself that her partner was as well as could be expected, it didn't stop Sam feeling awkward when the time came. Bedside vigils were for family, weren't they? What right did she have to be there?

But then she was perching on the edge of a chair by Iain's side and reaching out to slowly let her fingers lace through his, taking care not to disturb the butterfly cannula in the back of his hand.

Unfazed by the machines just doing their job, unlike most people who found themselves in this position, Sam did find that it helped just to feel the warmth of his hand under hers as she watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. It was still a far cry from his usual self, but infinitely preferable to the pale, cold figure that had been slumped on Alicia's floor in a growing pool of blood.

"You had me scared, Iain Dean," she admitted in a low whisper. "But I'll let you off with a warning if you just wake up and tell me you're okay. Not that even you would dare tarnish Jac Naylor's record. The Ice Queen you called her, remember? Even though you've clearly got the hots for her. You and every bloke who's never had to work that closely with her …"

Her thumb rubbed softly over his, tenderly, finding herself powerless to stop her mind drifting back to Afghanistan. To the good times they'd shared, even in such a terrible place. Long days and nights of unpredictability, camaraderie, craziness. To excitement and laughter under the hot desert sun.

And sometimes, just sometimes, lazy early mornings - when fleeting moments of peace let her wake up beside him, not to the sound of gunfire and explosions or the urgent crackle of a radio, but to the soft graze of fingertips or lips on her bare skin that always drew a smile or a little sigh of contentment from her.

God, he'd made it clear from the moment they'd first laid eyes on each other that he was attracted and she couldn't really deny it had been mutual. So he'd been flirty and persistent and, when he got what he wanted, passionate and she definitely hadn't had any complaints. But it was those quiet dawn mornings that had made it increasingly hard to remind herself it was only supposed to be a bit of fun. Respite from the reality of her failing marriage and life back home.

In those rare stolen moments, tangled up in his arms and sheets as the first rays of light spilled through cracks in the curtains, she realised she could have fallen for him. If she had let herself.

 _An affair with a squaddie …_

Dylan had made it sound so sordid. And she could hardly blame the man who was supposed to be her husband, or try to correct him. But if it was that, it was on her. Not Iain. In his defence, she hadn't exactly been upfront about her marital situation. And by the time she did come clean … Well, it was already too late.

They'd been sleeping together for weeks when she finally let her guilty conscience get the better of her. She still didn't even know whether that guilt was for cheating on Dylan or deceiving Iain. Probably both. Either way, she'd blurted out the truth in horribly blunt fashion, for once leaving her fellow soldier lost for words.

" _Shit, Sam …"_

That had been all she'd gotten out of him before he hauled himself out of bed and into his boxers, leaving her to watch that huge eagle tattooed across his back as he retrieved his khakis from the pile of clothes on the floor, hating the look on his face that seemed dangerously close to hurt when he finally shot her a glance while shoving his feet into his boots. Anger would be one thing, but hurt and what that might mean was something else entirely.

" _Iain …"_

It had hung over them like a dark cloud for two days before he finally cracked and stopped trying to avoid her – quite the opposite actually, seeking her out in what passed for a quiet corner where he could confront her without dozens of prying eyes on them. And, of course, he'd wanted to know why she told him, as if she'd planned it rather than simply blurting it out.

" _Because it feels like you're drawing a line in the sand. Only problem, Sam, is I don't think I know which side of it you're on."_

"I'm on your side now," Sam whispered, her fingers tightening around his to squeeze gently. "Please wake up, Iain. I need you to be okay. I … I don't know what I'd do without you ..."

* * *

All in all, no one slept much that night, although Gemma did manage to doze off for an hour or two, curled up on a sofa in the waiting room under her coat.

But on Keller, Alicia felt like she was awake to hear every footstep in the whole hospital, even as her exhausted body cried out for sleep.

And at home, Ruby couldn't manage more than an hour without waking up to check her phone for news – even though she knew she should be resting and the blue light emitted by her screen wasn't exactly conducive to that. She did try to tell herself it was for the best that she didn't sleep too long undisturbed, as you couldn't be too careful with concussion and she didn't exactly have anyone to hand who could check on her. She just hoped she wasn't going to find herself having to get straight back to work in the morning, not that she would have refused given the staffing circumstances.

Although a text message in the early hours - which initially made her sit up hastily, thinking it might be from Sam – soon cleared that up, with Jan insisting she take a couple of days off as an unlikely sounding trio of "Rocker, Baz and Kylie" had been rounded up to help.

Meanwhile, Sam had found that her eyes must have drifted closed of their own accord, only for the beeping of one of the machines hooked up to Iain to send her jerking awake again, instantly alert despite the tiredness.

"Iain?" she tried, automatically reaching to manually double-check the pulse at his neck.

It was probably right around the same time that Eddie's anxious mother reached out to smooth a lock of his hair as he slept fitfully on her sofa, having turned up on the doorstep wide-eyed and dishevelled.

She'd had to pretend to herself that the dark stains on his jeans were just mud. She could tell herself that though. That was easier to account for than the alternative, even for a doctor.

That was easier, given his frantic state, than blood.


	7. Seven

**Seven**

Trying to shift as his eyes flickered open, Iain groaned softly, everything that hurt slowly making its presence known – from the dull ache in his entire chest, to the tightness of his stitches and the roughness of his throat. He vaguely remembered waking up to the choking sensation of a tube being removed, but it was all pretty foggy really and he let his eyes close again, exhausted just by the thought of trying to move. Everything seemed to take so much effort …

Slowly though, he became aware of the feeling of fingers curled around his and he cracked an eyelid again, spotting a head resting on the edge of his bed. Sam. Even through the fog, he'd know her in a second, but her name on his lips only sounded like a croak. Had she been there all night? Was it even still night? He had no idea how long it had been since the call-out to Alicia's …

"S-Sam …"

She shot upright, having fallen asleep hunched over in the chair drawn up close to his bedside, her hair dishevelled and her eyes dark with tiredness. "Iain," she said, that one word full of relief and so much more in the seconds before she managed to compose herself, tossing her hair over one shoulder. "Hey there, soldier."

"Hi," he mumbled, trying to force a smile for her. "M-Made it then …"

"Yeah, you did. Even bagged yourself a date with Jac Naylor herself," Sam said, trying to keep her tone light. "One for the bucket list, huh? How are you feeling?"

"Like I went ten rounds with Tyson," he groaned, making her reach for his hand again. "Alicia, how is she?"

"Recovering – physically anyway. It's been … a lot to process. Listen, I should go get someone, see about some better pain relief now you're awake …"

But he shook his head at that, tightening his hold on her hand. "No. I mean, not yet. Please, just … just stay with me, yeah?"

"I'm not going anywhere," she told him, clear blue eyes locked on hazy green. "God, Iain, I thought …"

"I know," he said, hating how worried she must have been, knowing he'd have been going out of his mind if their roles had been reversed. "Me too."

"Don't ever do that to me again, you hear me?"

"What, get meself stabbed? Wasn't exactly planning on it first time round, darlin'. Besides, action-girl Sam Nicholls telling anyone off for taking risks? Do me a favour!"

That raised a tiny reluctant laugh, but it quickly faded. "I mean it, Iain," Sam said. "You and me … We're a team. I need you in one piece."

He looked back at her, glancing down at their joined hands and then back up, as if drinking in the sight of her. "Have you been here the whole time?"

"Where else would I be?" she shrugged.

"Home, getting some proper sleep. You look shattered."

"Charmer."

"Sorry," Iain said, managing a weak grin when he realised how that must have sounded. "You know I meant shattered in a gorgeous kinda way, right? And I am glad you're here. Sam …"

"You need to rest," she said softly, cutting him off. "And I need to go let Fletch know you're awake. Don't be getting up to any mischief with the nurses while I'm gone."

"Who, me?" he protested, managing an innocent little grin. "Anyway, the whole nurse fantasy thing's overrated – you know I'd rather have a paramedic …"

"Well, in that case, I can send Rocker up if you like," Sam shot back, with a smirk of her own as his face fell.

"Rocker?" Iain groaned. "What the hell's he doing here? Sam? _Sam!_ "

* * *

"Alicia …"

"Why are you here, Ethan?" she asked, cutting the taken-aback consultant off before he could get another word out.

"B-Because they told me you're not getting the rest you need," he tried, growing more earnest as the need to be honest with her grew under her sceptical gaze. "And because I _care_ , Alicia. I do. And I know … everything you've been through … it's a lot. I'm not expecting anything. I just … I want to help. I want you to know you don't have to deal with this on your own. And that you're safe here. No matter what happens with Eddie. I will not let him hurt you again, I promise."

Alicia lay back against the pillows of her high hospital bed, a torn look on her face, caught somewhere between gratitude and frustration. She appreciated what he was trying to do, she really did. She just wished she wasn't left feeling quite so scared and helpless. She didn't want to be anyone's rescue project or object of pity, however well-meaning they might be. But, while the thought of getting close to anyone utterly terrified her right now, she couldn't help feeling some kind of relief at the thought that she might not have entirely ruined things with Ethan. If nothing else, she was just grateful for his friendship – even if she could do without the soft, sympathetic approach.

"I can still see him," she confessed quietly. "Every time I close my eyes. I can still _feel_ him. But I'm tired of feeling like a victim. I just want him caught. Then this can be over."

"They'll find him," Ethan said, after a pause. "They will."

She wasn't convinced, but forced a faint smile anyway, and then a change of subject. "Any news on Iain?"

"Out of surgery," Ethan said, brightening a little at actually being able to deliver some good news. "Awake and holding his own. Jac said his physical fitness should stand him in good stead for a quicker recovery than most."

"Jac did? God, don't tell him that, man – we'll never hear the end of it," Alicia said, with a wry laugh. "Can you get a message to him please? Just tell him I'm glad he's okay and … and that I'm so sorry."

"I will," Ethan nodded, understanding even if he wasn't totally going to let it slide. "But you're not the one who should be apologising. Not that I think a sorry from Eddie would wash with Iain, all things considered. But none of this is your fault, Alicia. Please know that – I know Iain would say the same."

She didn't have the energy to force the point, even if all that filled her mind were the choices she could have made along the way that might have left them all in a very different place. Her head might be able to agree that, okay, she hadn't stabbed Iain – but her conscience would always blame her for setting a chain of events in motion and no amount of outside reassurance was going to change that. Not any time soon.

"I really should get back," Ethan said, an apology etched across his brow. "I'll check in when I can. Try to get some rest. I know it sounds ridiculous, all things considered, but it really will help."

She nodded, mostly because it was the easy option, but also because she would try. For him. She just wasn't holding out as much hope that it would help, or even happen.

Not any time soon.

* * *

"Careful, you'll be sore for a while."

"Mmm, I'm realising that," came the groan, as efforts to get more comfortable were tried and failed. "So … when can I get back to work?"

Fletch laughed, using the sanitiser at the bottom of the bed to ensure his hands were clean before faltering in his tracks when he realised the question was serious – even though it had barely been a day since his patient had regained consciousness. "Mate, you're doing okay now, all things considered, and I don't want to worry you or anything, but you nearly _died_."

" _Nearly_ being the key word," Iain shrugged. "Come on, Fletch, you know I'll go stir crazy stuck in here. Just gimme a time-frame at least. Something to aim for. A week? Two?"

"You're having a laugh, ain't ya? In your line of work, all that heavy lifting for starters? Tell Jac you wanna run straight out there and ruin her handiwork, I _dare_ you," Fletch said, a challenging grin on his face. "What's the matter anyway? Worried Rocker's gonna fill your boots a little too well?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" the paramedic demanded.

"No, nothing … He's just making himself pretty comfortable pretty quick, I suppose. Taking your place in the team. Offering to mentor Ruby. Cracking on to Sam."

"He don't want my spot – prefers being with those flash gits over at HART … Wait, what? What do you mean, cracking on to Sam?"

"It's Rocker," Fletch shrugged. "He'd crack on to anything with a pulse. And frankly, I'm not sure that's even where he sets the bar. Saw him earlier actually. Said to pass on a message to you."

"Oh yeah? What's that then?" Iain glowered.

"Get well soon," Fletch said, with a little grin. "Cupcake."

* * *

Returning from a meeting with Jan to discuss shifts as they tried to juggle Iain's absence with the emergency cover they'd been able to secure, Sam was surprised to find Iain looking quite so miserable. By all accounts, he was on course for a near miraculous recovery – thanks in no small part to the shape he'd been in prior to the showdown with Eddie. He should have been counting his lucky stars in her book. Although, it did cross her mind that he might already be struggling with being confined to bed – he never did do staying still too well, not unless they were on a military op that required it. Or the football was on.

"What's up with you?" she asked lightly, dropping into the chair by his bedside.

"Nothing," he mumbled, but since he'd made no real effort to shake the grumpiness, the claim was anything but convincing.

"Yeah, right – this is me you're talking to," Sam scoffed, before a thought struck her and she dropped the jokey attitude. "Everything is okay, right? No complications from the surgery? You would tell me if there was?"

Seeing the genuine concern as she leaned in, Iain immediately felt guilty for making her worry like that – especially since she'd already lost sleep watching over him. "I'm fine, promise," he said gruffly, looking down at the gauze covering both his stab wound and the subsequent surgical wound he'd acquired as a result.

With a little frown, Sam reached out to him, letting her fingers brush back a lock of that dark, messy quiff. "Iain …" she tried gently, still clearly worried about him.

"Is Rocker after my spot?" he blurted out.

"What? Where's that come from?" she asked. "No. I mean, I don't think so. He's just happy to help cover for as long as he's needed. Probably likes the variety. And showing off the HART training, obviously. Showing off full stop, now I come to think of it …"

"Is he gonna be your partner?"

"Looks like it. Jan's been great letting me sit with you until we knew you were out of the woods, but she needs me back. And Ruby's insisting she's fine to get back out there. Rocker thought it made sense if, with his HART experience, the two of us took her out-"

"Sounds cosy," Iain muttered darkly.

A small smile tugged at Sam's lips when she started to realise what was going on. Under normal circumstances, she'd have told the injured paramedic to quit acting like they were in the playground, but she figured she could cut him a little slack – especially since she could guess this was actually more about feeling sidelined than a straightforward dose of the green-eyed monster.

"It's temporary," she reminded him, her fingers still absently trailing through his hair, although he only huffed in response. "It is. I'll probably kill him after half a shift anyway."

Iain almost smiled at that. "You manage to put up with me," he pointed out.

"For which I should get a medal," she nodded, with mock-seriousness that turned into warmth as she looked down at him. "And because you and me, we're a team. That hasn't changed."

Touched by that, he finally lost that grumpy look and let it turn into a sheepish, apologetic smile. Right before she leaned down and brushed her lips over his.

"I need you back, Iain," Sam whispered, in the moment it took him to process what the hell had just happened and come to his senses enough to chance his arm in stealing another kiss.

* * *

"Edward, please, I'm trying to understand – stop shouting at me when I'm just trying to understand-" Clara McAllister begged her son as he frantically paced up and down in front of her, only breaking off to look at her incredulously and throw his hands up in exasperation.

"No! No, you're not!" he shouted, his eyes red-rimmed from crying. "If you were trying to understand, you wouldn't be telling me to go to the police – aren't you even listening? She's trying to _destroy_ me!"

"But … But if it's all just a terrible misunderstanding, the police will clear it all up and-"

"For god's sake, mum! Can you even hear yourself? She's saying I hurt her on purpose – do you have any idea how that looks? What they'll say about me?"

"You just wouldn't do that though," Clara insisted, desperately trying to get through to him as tears slipped down her own cheeks, frightened as she was by how intense he was being. "You're a good man, a _doctor!_ "

"The hospital already suspended me!" he roared back at her, making her flinch and instinctively pull her robe tighter around her, as if it was some kind of protective shield instead of delicate patterned silk. "She didn't even have to prove anything and they _suspended_ me. They've already decided I'm guilty. There's no way out."

"Edward …"

But the pleading tone was lost on him as he desperately tried to work out his next move, when everything seemed to be closing in on him, no matter which way he turned.

"I have to make her see," Eddie vowed finally, pushing past his mother, even as she tried to cling to his arm and he shook her off roughly. "I have to make her end this."


	8. Eight

**Author's Note: Can't guarantee the fairly speedy (for me anyway) updates will continue as I've got a lot on in the coming weeks, but instead of banking some chapters and drip-feeding them out, I thought I'd just crack on while the inspiration's there and make the most of being laid up with a bit of a cold ... Hope you're still liking this and thanks for reading!**

* * *

 **Eight**

"Tell me this isn't just the morphine – I'm not hallucinating, am I?" Iain murmured, before seeming to think the better of asking. "Actually, scratch that. If I am, just leave me be."

"Idiot," Sam said fondly, her forehead resting lightly against his.

"That's my Sam," he smiled, between slow, soft kisses he didn't want to jeopardise with more questions.

Neither of them even noticed the door to the side ward open, until the embarrassed squeak drew them apart.

"Sorry, sorry!" Ruby gasping, looking both thrown and mortified to have interrupted her mentors mid-kiss. "They said it was okay to pop in and … I'll go!"

"Oh, Ruby," Iain laughed, looking amused by her awkwardness, one hand still trailing lazily up and down Sam's back as she sat up beside him. "Steady on, love – it's not like you caught us at it!"

Sam rolled her eyes and swatted lightly at his shoulder, getting an over-dramatic mock wince in response. "No, she didn't. Nor is she likely to."

"I dunno, you did nearly lose me," he mused, shooting her a cheeky little grin that faded into something else when he saw the look that had flashed across her face at his words. "Hey, come on, none of that."

Ruby found herself unable to look away as she took in the closeness between the two senior paramedics, surprised and curious to see a softer side to their usual rapport as Iain reached out to touch a hand to Sam's cheek and she covered it with her own. The newest member of the team had quickly twigged, even in the short time she'd been around them, that the two were friends, best friends probably, but this was so much more than even that and …

She realised she was staring and turned away hastily. "I'm intruding, I should go. I just wanted to … see how you are. Say hi."

"Hi," Iain said, with his usual easy humour, barely containing a laugh.

"Hi," Ruby echoed blankly. "Um … I'll go."

"Hang on, I'll come with you," Sam said, slipping off the edge of the bed with a little smile at the disapproving pout the move got her. "Iain needs his rest."

"What Iain needs is looking after," he tried. "Bit of TLC …"

"Rest," his partner ordered firmly, but she did lean down to plant a quick kiss on his forehead before heading after Ruby. "I'll check on you in a bit. Be good."

"What's it worth?" Iain called after them, but they were already out of earshot and he sank back against his pillows to contemplate what the hell had just happened.

* * *

Pulling her coat tighter around herself, Clara eyed the hospital building warily, already questioning whether she was doing the right thing. What other choice did she have though?

She knew her son, had never seen him so distraught, and she couldn't, absolutely couldn't believe him capable of the things his so-called colleagues were apparently saying. He'd always been such a good boy. Bright, and ambitious too – not like some young men happy to drift through life.

He always knew what he wanted. And how to get it.

But could that drive, that determination have turned dark? He'd never liked to be told no …

Clara closed her eyes for a second, trying to drive that thought out of her mind. He was her _son_. How could she even consider … No. This all had to be some kind of horrible misunderstanding. Or, at worst, the spiteful actions of someone jealous of her boy's success. She couldn't rule that out, not when he was so adamant that the claims against him were all lies. Besides … He wouldn't. He just wouldn't.

So with that, she held her head high and marched towards the main entrance. It was time to straighten this mess out, once and for all.

* * *

"So … you and Iain?"

"It's a long story," Sam said, after a pause, unintentionally getting the newest member of the paramedic team all flustered again.

"Sorry, it's really none of my business," Ruby said hastily, flushing with embarrassment again as she turned her attention to her steaming mug of tea and the copy of the newly reworked rota on the table in front of them in the paramedics' break room.

"Ruby, it's okay. Seriously, stop apologising."

"Sor-"

Sam raised her eyebrows and the little blonde lapsed into awkward silence, before it was broken with a sigh.

"We were together before," Sam said, the quiet admission coming out of the blue and catching them both off-guard. "Me and Iain, I mean. We were in the Army. Stationed at Camp Bastion for months."

"Afghanistan?" Ruby said, her eyes widening. "Gosh … So, when you say _together_ …"

"It was very … unofficial," Sam said, blowing on her tea as she chose her words carefully. At least at first and then she just gave up on that idea. "Oh, you might as well know – it's not like everyone else hasn't had a good gossip. I was married. It wasn't exactly going too well and Iain was …"

"Iain," Ruby suggested wryly.

"I was going to say _there_ ," Sam grinned. "But yeah, that too."

"And now?" Ruby asked tentatively, still not sure if she was overstepping the mark. "I mean, I didn't realise you were … You know …"

"We weren't," Sam sighed again. "Not really. He's my partner and that's important, Ruby. Don't underestimate what it means to be part of this team. The trust, the bond. And of course we're friends too. Good friends. And we can laugh and joke, and I suppose I have to admit maybe we flirt a little sometimes. But he's right - I could have lost him. And … what can I say?" she added, shooting her new colleague a little smile as she tried to keep things on a lighter path than they might have been heading. "He grows on you ..."

"Kind of you to say so, Samantha. It's mutual, believe me."

"Rocker," Sam sighed, watching as the HART member breezed in just in time to catch her last few words and started clattering about with the kettle, clearly already at home as he started to make himself a brew. "Hard as it is to believe, we weren't talking about you. And I've told you before – call me Samantha and you're going to end up in the _back_ of an ambulance instead of the front."

"Feisty," he nodded seriously. "I enjoy that in a woman."

"Why are you even here?" she asked, rolling her eyes at his sheer relentlessness. "Your first shift with us isn't until tomorrow."

"My first shift with you fine ladies," he clarified. "Today, I'm in the RRV. Lone wolf. The Batman of the NHS."

"Uh, Batman had a sidekick …" Ruby pointed out.

"Don't encourage him," Sam said.

"Maybe I'll let you be my Robin," he shrugged, eying her up and down. "Although I'm getting more of a Catwoman vibe …"

"I'm starting to think Iain might have a point about you."

"Ah, yes, how is our little cupcake?" Rocker asked brightly and undeterred. "More tea, anyone?"

* * *

Clara didn't know what she was expecting – some hard-faced, calculating little madam maybe, milking whatever had happened to elicit maximum sympathy and turn everyone against her son. Eddie had said, eventually, that she fell. That it was, according to his garbled account, an accident. Surely a hospital admission over something like that was simply making a mountain out of a molehill, even for those inclined to err on the side of caution …

Rather than drawing attention to herself by asking directions, once she had established at the main reception which ward this Alicia was on, she managed to locate Keller by herself and then simply drifted casually past the board that laid out which patient was in which bay until she saw what she was looking for.

She wasn't prepared for what bay six had in store though.

The young woman laying there, with one arm engulfed in some kind of blue protective casing and deep gashes on her face, looked pale and … well, shaken, she supposed was the word. Scared even. This looked to her like much more than just a fall, so what on earth had happened to her?

Suddenly, Clara didn't think she wanted to know.

But maybe she just had the wrong patient. Hospitals were busy places and she assumed people must get shifted around all the time. That was probably what had happened here. This Alicia had probably been discharged already and the bed had been needed for some other poor girl who had actually been through a proper trauma.

Yes, that was almost certainly it.

Spotting a young doctor, stethoscope around his neck, moving with purpose towards the very bay she was staring at, Clara pulled her mobile from her bag and pretended to look around for somewhere she was allowed to use it, rather than seem like she was loitering where she had no real business being.

"Alicia, how are you holding up?"

"Okay, I guess. Did Ethan ask you to check up on me, Doctor Copeland?"

"Um …"

"Dom?"

"Okay, busted …"

The rest of the conversation seemed to be drowned out for Clara by the sound of her own heart thudding in her chest as it started to race. Alicia. So that was her. And whatever had happened, however she tried to explain it away in her own mind, it certainly wasn't some simple fall. Eddie wasn't being truthful with her.

But why? What wasn't he telling her?

The things he claimed she was saying about him, just to be malicious, because she felt scorned by him … She couldn't possibly believe that her own son would really … No. No, no, no. There had to be something she was missing, some other explanation.

And right now, she was prepared to cling to anything that would explain how her son was the victim in all this.

* * *

Noticing that the doctor was retreating from bay six with a cheery little wave, Clara straightened up and headed that way herself before she could talk herself out of what she knew was probably crossing a line. This was a hospital after all and the girl, whatever she had done, was supposed to be recovering.

The thought of Eddie left at home, sobbing himself sick at the thought of what he had been wrongly labelled spurred her on though and she soon found herself standing in front of Alicia – causing an uncertain look to cross her face, one that clearly said she was trying to recall if she should know her or not.

"That looks serious," Clara said, her voice wavering just a little. "What happened to you?"

"I … I fell," Alicia said, a little frown knitting her brows. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"You fell?" Clara repeated, the wave of relief that washed over her proving almost dizzying. Right before the flood of indignant anger started to take its place. "You fell … How dare you try to blame anyone else for that!"

"Excuse me?" Alicia gasped, startled by the sudden aggressive shift in tone.

"Women like you ruin lives!" Clara exclaimed, making the young woman cringe back against her pillows, having nowhere else to go in the face of the unexpected onslaught. "With your false accusations and your lies, you discredit real victims – you should be ASHAMED!"

"Lies …" Alicia whispered, realisation seemed to dawn on her. "You must be … Who are you? His mum?"

"My son is a good man!" Clara shouted, tears stinging her eyes as she jabbed a finger in the face of the person she blamed for the mess she had left him in. "How can you blame him if you _fell_?!"

The ever-increasing volume reached crescendo and brought the doctor from before dashing back, his trainers squeaking on the tile floor, along with a shocked looking nurse.

"What on earth is going on here?" Dominic demanded, only to be ignored by everyone concerned.

"I fell because he pushed me," Alicia managed reluctantly, struggling to find the words, not wanting to have to do this – even in the face of such an attack, and one with such ferocity. She was barely making herself heard over Clara's immediate protests. "Threw me really. Through a glass door and-"

"No!" Clara cut her off, shaking her head sharply. "No, I won't have you spreading these vicious _lies_."

"Okay, I don't know who you are, but I think it's time you were leaving," Dominic tried again, as Donna shot him a look that plainly urged him to do something.

"He hasn't told you why he was there, has he?" Alicia continued, seemingly numb. "In my home?"

"Because he didn't know what else to do – you were making such terrible claims and he was _desperate_ to make you see what you were doing to him. _Why?_ Why would you say such things? Because he didn't want you, is that it?"

Disbelief and despair vied for a place on Alicia's pale face and she fought to keep back tears, seeming to realise this was what she was going to have to face from anyone who didn't believe her side of the story.

"Alicia, you don't have to do this," Donna said. "We can call security."

But her patient simply looked back up at the unwelcome visitor, dashing tears from beneath her eyes with her one good hand. "Your son isn't the man you think he is," she said softly. "And deep down, I think you know it."

"You're wrong," Clara said tightly, her breathing ragged and voice trembling as she clutched a hand to her chest. Spots seemed to dance in front of her eyes and she swayed on her feet. "You're _wrong_."

"He rape—"

"No! _You shut your_ _mouth!_ "

"He raped me," Alicia said, as if she hadn't heard the desperate scream. "He raped me and then he attacked me and you'll …"

Clara crumpled to the floor, struggling to breathe as Alicia trailed off wide-eyed in shock.

"… have to live with that ..."


	9. Nine

**Author's Note: It's been a long time since I've had a story flow for me like this as I usually struggle with writer's block at some point, so I'll just keep making the most of it and hoping you're still enjoying it - thanks for reading!**

 **PS: I do find it quite difficult to write things like medical or police procedures because I like to get things as right as I can, but I'm no expert in either field so have to force myself into allowing for artistic licence. And just as a little example of how much details matter to me, it's absolutely killing me that I've just realised Eddie is billed everywhere in "the real world" - in the Casualty end credits, in the TV guides, etc - as "Eddie McAllister" (hence why that's what I've called him), but the character's actual hospital name tag says "Eddie McCallister" ... Arrrrgh!**

* * *

 **Nine**

"We really need to speak to Mrs McAllister urgently, in order to establish what she knows about the whereabouts of her son," the burly police officer, who had introduced himself as Detective Constable Liam Grayson and his equally impatient colleague as Detective Constable Mai Chen, said. "Obviously, we're getting a warrant to search her home anyway, but her cooperation would make this a lot easier – not least in telling us something about her son's state of mind."

Dominic bore the lecture as calmly as he could, nodding in all the right places in a bid to placate the detectives cluttering up the ward. "And I understand that," he said. "And believe me, we all want to see Eddie caught after everything that's happened. But I can't in good conscience let you question his mother until she's more stable. She's my patient now."

"It was just a panic attack though, yeah?" DC Chen chipped in, her arms crossed over her chest. "Shouldn't take long?"

The young registrar sighed. "There's a reason panic attacks are commonly mistaken for cardiac events," he said, with a little shrug. "The root cause may not be as serious, comparatively speaking, but the symptoms are no less distressing. I want to be sure Mrs McAllister is well enough to withstand questioning before I let you see her. I can assure you, I'll let you know as soon as that's the case."

The two detectives exchanged a look that suggested they weren't exactly happy with the situation, but then DC Grayson nodded before jerking his head towards the ward doors in a signal to his partner. "Come on, might as well go see if the paramedic's up to talking in the meantime then."

"I'm sure his consultant will be delighted to assess that for you," Dominic smiled brightly, fairly sure that the steely Jac Naylor had never been _delighted_ by anything in her life. "Anyway, must dash – patients waiting …"

* * *

"Alicia …"

The reappearance of Ethan's worried face in front of her hardly came as a surprise, news always did travel fast around hospital corridors, But, much as she appreciated his kindness and support, she found herself really wishing he didn't feel he had to check up on her. This fragile being that everyone seemed to tread on eggshells around had never been her – and she didn't intend to let herself become that now.

"I'm okay," she said, not letting him get so much as another word in. "Honestly. You really don't have to worry."

"Are you sure? I heard what happened with Eddie's mum. Security really should have been a bit more prepared for some kind of eventuality like that. What if Eddie had decided he wanted to show his face?" he asked, clearly vexed by such a lapse until it occurred to him that he probably wasn't raising the most reassuring of points and tried to backtrack hastily. "I mean, not that he would, of course. He's not stupid. Although … he has done some … um … very stupid things indeed … Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure," Alicia sighed, forcing a little smile in the face of his well-meaning approach. "I guess I'll just be glad to get home."

But even as she said the words, feeling it was something you were supposed to say when faced with a stay in hospital, she realised she didn't exactly mean it. Quite the opposite actually. Working in the hospital meant it was familiar territory. Nothing about it phased her the way it might with other patients. The beeping of machines, the bustle of staff going about their usual routines, it was all normal. Safe.

Of course, her home should have been a haven too. Usually anyone having a tough time or needing to recover or seek refuge would bunker down at home, under their duvet, in front of their television, whatever. For her though … Going home meant returning to the scene of the crime. To a presumably bloodstained kitchen and a bed she couldn't even bear to look at, let alone sleep in.

Admitting that felt like letting Eddie win though. And everything he had put her through was bad enough, no way was she letting him destroy her home for her as well.

"Uh, Ethan, do you think you could do me a favour?" Alicia asked.

"Of course," he said immediately, without even waiting to hear what it was. "Anything. You only have to ask, you know that."

"Could you maybe ask around, see if anyone knows the number of a good joiner? I think I probably need a new door fitting …"

"Leave it with me."

* * *

"This is a nice surprise," Iain murmured drowsily, rubbing a hand over his face and wincing at even the slight movement. "Wasn't expecting you back so soon. What you doing here?"

"Just thought I'd see if you need anything before I head home and get some rest for tomorrow's shift," Sam shrugged easily. "Besides, look at the trouble you get into when I'm not around."

"Ha, I'd laugh if it didn't hurt so much," he managed, trying and failing to hold back a groan as he attempted to get more comfortable. "There is something you could do though …"

"What's that?"

"Come here and give us a cuddle …"

Sam smiled at that, despite trying to look disapproving, but she soon found she couldn't refuse him when he turned those twinkling green eyes on her and she moved to kick off her boots and carefully settle on the edge of the bed beside him, gently draping an arm over his stomach as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"Sure this isn't hurting you?" she murmured.

"I'll live," Iain grinned, dropping a little kiss on the top of her head. "And if someone comes to tell me off, I'll just do like I usually do and say you're a bad influence."

"Passing the buck – you must be feeling better," she said wryly. "I heard the police wanted to ask you some questions about what happened. Did they say if they were any closer to finding Eddie?"

"Not in so many words, but I heard they're going to search his parents' place and they didn't deny it. Apparently his mum showed up on Keller, shouting the odds at Alicia! Can you believe the flaming cheek?"

"Can I believe some spoilt overgrown little boy has his mum fighting his battles? Yes, unfortunately I can," Sam said, sounding irritated if not quite surprised by the news. "Ugh, poor Alicia. As if she hasn't been through enough already."

"Well, hopefully the police'll find him soon," Iain sighed, clearly tired but comforted by the feel of her curled up next to him as best they could manage with a lot of medical equipment in the way. "They made me go through everything I knew about what happened, everything him and Alicia said, over and over."

"You do look done in," she said, sympathy in her voice and a little frown of concern on her face. "Didn't anyone tell them you're supposed to be taking it easy?"

"Oh, it was definitely risking Jac's wrath," Iain grinned, before turning serious again. "I don't even think they're done, just giving me a break. But I want to do whatever they need – if it helps Alicia …"

"I get that," Sam sighed. "And I want her to get all the help and support she can, I really do. But … I just don't want you overdoing it and keeling over on me. You've been through a lot too, Iain."

But he shrugged that off easily. "I'll be fine, love. Tough as old boots, me. Besides, I've got you to look after me, haven't I?"

"Yeah, I guess you do," she smiled, before they lapsed into an easy silence, content to just be close to each other for a few stolen moments.

"Hey, Sam?" Iain said softly, letting his hand come up so his fingers could trail through her long, silky hair.

"Mmm?"

But considering what he was asking, or at least thinking of asking, the right words seemed to drift just out of reach. Mostly because he couldn't help wondering if whatever spell had her cuddled up to him would start to falter when the shock of him nearly dying on her wore off.

Yeah, they were a team and a damn good one at that, but being partners wasn't the same as …

"Oh, nothing," he mumbled, deciding not to risk spoiling things. "It'll keep."

* * *

"Mrs McAllister, feeling better, are we?"

"I … I really should be going … I have to get home …"

"To check up on your son?" DC Chen asked casually, hands in the pockets of her trenchcoat. "Mrs McAllister, we really do need to speak to Edward urgently, and I would caution you that covering for him could expose you to potential charges yourself – obstructing a police investigation, perverting the course of justice …"

"I don't understand what you could want with him!" the wide-eyed woman exclaimed, running her hands through her once neat brown bob in distress. "He hasn't done anything wrong."

"On the contrary, madam," DC Chen shook her head. "Edward McAllister is alleged to have gone to the home of Doctor Alicia Munroe and that alone is a breach of the terms of his bail. Further claims that he caused serious injury to Doctor Munroe and that he held one paramedic at knifepoint and stabbed another are still under investigation, but—"

"Wait, bail? Stabbed?" Clara had paled again, bewildered by details that were clearly new to her. "Why would Eddie be on bail?"

The two detectives exchanged a glance, before DC Grayson stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"He was arrested after an allegation of rape was made," he said. "No charges have been made as yet, but we're still investigating."

"No!" Clara gasped. "That … That can't be right! I mean, he said she was saying these terrible things, but not that he'd actually been arrested … How can you believe her? He wouldn't, he just wouldn't!"

"We have a duty to investigate thoroughly, madam," DC Grayson said evenly. "Now, you just said he had mentioned accusations – when was that and did you speak to him in person or on the phone?"

"I … I don't know when …" came the response, which only served to show the detectives that their suspect's mother was floundering in her efforts not to give her son away, her breathing turning a little ragged again and the monitor she was hooked up to starting to emit a warning beep.

Dominic was pulling back the curtain around the bay before the police could really press much harder. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step out," he said, apologetic but firm. "You can see she's not up to this."

"Doesn't matter anyway," DC Chen said, having taken a moment to glance at a message on her mobile. "Uniform are at the house with a warrant – if he's there, they'll find him."

* * *

Even as the detectives at the hospital were fortifying themselves with bitter tar-like coffee from a vending machine before deciding to return to Darwin to talk to the stabbed paramedic again, their uniformed colleagues were surrounding the neat, comfortable home of their suspect's parents.

Nearby, curtains were twitching in the quiet, well-to-do street, unfamiliar with the sight of police cars blocking the road, their blue lights flashing.

An officer led the way to the front door, waiting for radio confirmation that the rear of the property was covered before raising a fist to thump on the pale blue door.

"Eddie McAllister?" he shouted, even as he slid his baton from its holding place on his belt. "Police – open up!"

They'd been fully briefed on their target and, while some young, middle-class doctor might seem like easy pickings to a bunch of street-tough cops, they knew a knife was alleged to have been involved and were smart enough to know any weapon was a great leveller.

"Eddie, I'm warning you we have a warrant to search the property," the officer shouted again, beckoning forward a colleague with a small battering ram ready to bust the door off its hinges. "We'll do this the hard way if we have to …"

No one wanted trouble for the sake of it.

Too much paperwork, for a start.


	10. Ten

**Author's Note: Well, that took longer than expected! Apologies for the delay - I'd mentioned having a few things to keep me busy for a little bit, but I hadn't been prepared for a nice little dose of flu to go with them ... Thanks for sticking with this and, as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)**

* * *

 **Ten**

"We've been running in circles round this bloody hospital …"

"And there was me thinking you were all about the physical activity, Mai," DC Grayson drawled, taking a final drag of his cigarette before pitching the butt to the ground and stubbing it out with the toe of his boot.

"Just because I think it wouldn't kill you – unlike those things," his colleague scowled, pulling her coat tighter around her as they stood outside with the other smokers. "Why the hell haven't we heard anything yet? They should have picked him up by now."

"Now, now, patience. We want this all by the book, you know that. Two of the NHS's finest practically at death's door? Not going to do our rep any good if we can't put someone away for it."

"Are you forgetting the someone we're trying to put away is also a doctor?"

"And probably with very litigious, middle-class parents. Nope, hadn't forgotten. That's just all the more reason to get this right," DC Grayson shrugged. "Listen, we've gotten as much out of the mother as we're going to, at this stage anyway. Might as well head back upstairs again - that consultant said we could talk to the paramedic when his obs were done and- Shit, phone. This could be it … Hello?"

DC Chen watched expectantly, catching only one side of the conversation and therefore drawing her own conclusion from the terse one-word answers and the frown deepening on her partner's brow.

"For fuck's sake …" he muttered darkly, as the call came to an abrupt end and he huffed out a sigh.

"Problem?"

"Big problem," he confirmed. "McAllister's gone."

* * *

Huddled in the back of a taxi, Eddie tried again to call his mother only to get the same answerphone message as all the other times, making him grit his teeth in frustration.

He couldn't understand why the hell she had taken off and where to, not when he needed her to listen and to understand what was happening to him. Everything was at stake, his job, his _life_. He couldn't bear the very thought of prison. He wouldn't survive, he knew he wouldn't.

Spotting the taxi driver glancing back at him in the rear-view mirror, he tried to force himself to stay calm, impossible though that felt. The police had hammered on his parents' door looking for him, actually _hammered_ , shouting his name and ordering him out onto the street like he was some kind of criminal. He'd almost done as he was told too, out of some kind of deeply instilled tendency towards obedience.

Then he'd frozen, wondering if they knew for certain he was inside. If they could hear his heartbeat that seemed so loud in his chest he thought surely it could be heard right down the street.

Creeping not to the backdoor, but to a door that led straight into the garage, he practically held his breath as he slipped out a window right next to an overgrown hedge and into the shadows. It seemed too good to be true that the officers hadn't thought to cover more than the house itself and he was waiting for a heavy hand to descend on his shoulder even as he shuffled in a crouch through the trees and shrubs at the bottom of the neighbours' garden.

It was only once safely in the cab he had managed to hail that his body had slumped in relief. Not that it lasted long, convinced as he was that the driver was full of suspicions about his no doubt nervous-looking passenger.

Sign of a guilty conscience, Eddie thought. Before hastily correcting himself. He had nothing to feel guilty about. Not unless you counted running from the police. And that may have been a mistake, maybe he should have stayed, tried to explain. But they wouldn't understand, he knew that. How could they when his own mother seemed unsure?

He was sure though and that was all that mattered. Sure that Alicia was lying, that Iain had been the one attacking him with his harsh words and angry face.

 _No … No, stop …_

Had she said that? Alicia? His mind seemed to remember her voice, those words … It hadn't been like that though, it couldn't have been … She's been playing with him, like people did. No when really it meant yes …

 _No … Please, don't …_

That was her fault, getting in his head. Making him doubt himself.

 _You raped her …_

Iain's voice seemed to echo in his head, even as the memory of that steel blade slicing into flesh flooded his mind and made his stomach lurch. He hadn't meant to lunge forward like that, to feel the impact in his hand and wrist as the knife plunged into the solid chest of the stunned paramedic. His stomach lurched again.

"Pull over!" Eddie gasped at the taxi driver. "I think I'm going to be sick!"

* * *

"We won't keep you too long, Mr Dean. You've already been very helpful, but we'd just like to ask a few more questions," DC Grayson said, a vaguely distracted look on his face, as if under pressure. "Are you happy for your wife to be present, or …?"

"Wife?" Iain echoed, shooting Sam a little grin as she scooted back onto the chair beside his bed and he tried not to laugh.

"Partner," she corrected, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear in a slightly self-conscious gesture.

"Sorry," the detective said, the apology thrown out off-hand and his attention already turned to his efforts to dig his notebook and pen out of an inner pocket of his jacket. "Shouldn't have assumed. Lot of couples prefer not to bother with marriage and all that these days. I envy 'em really – must save a fortune …"

"Partner as in _also a paramedic_ ," Sam clarified, rolling her eyes at said partner's obvious amusement at the inadvertent mix-up.

"Work wife, if ya like," Iain offered with a shrug, before trying to look innocent in response to Sam's warning glare. "What? You do boss me about a lot … Seriously though, Sam's been great. I'd like her to stay, if that's okay – oh, unless you need to go, Sam? You've got work tomorrow and you do _not_ want to be dealing with Rocker on a lack of sleep, believe me."

"I can stay," she conceded, settling back in her chair and looking expectantly at the detectives stood at the end of the high hospital bed. "This won't take too long anyway, will it? He is supposed to be resting."

"You sure you're not the wife?" DC Grayson asked dryly. "Sorry, just a little joke. Actually, since you work here as well, you may be able to help provide some of the background we need …"

"Sam - Sam Nicholls," she supplied, when he trailed off clearly fishing for a name.

"Okay, now as paramedics, you must both be in and out of the emergency department where Eddie McAllister and Alicia Munroe work fairly frequently, yes?"

Iain nodded. "Yeah, all the time. Flying visits, I guess you'd say."

"But you'd develop working relationships with ED staff, I suppose? Friendships even? How much contact would you have with them typically?"

"Oh, you know - drop a patient off, complete a handover and sometimes you're gone again and back on the road straight away," Iain said. "Other times, you might try to hang around a little, see how things go with a patient, if you can. Or you might have established a rapport with a patient and be needed to keep them calm, get them to cooperate, that sort of thing. Guess we're all part of the same team. Sorry, but I don't see where you're going with this …"

"Oh, I just want to establish that we're not wasting our time following this line of enquiry with paramedics not primarily based in the department," the detective clarified. "Obviously you're a crucial witness though, Iain, in terms of what happened at Doctor Munroe's home. But we just want to understand your experience of the ED and its staff, on both a professional and personal level. Would you say, for example, that you were friends with Alicia Munroe?"

"Yeah, we're mates, yeah," Iain said, but the already thinly veiled suspicion on his face was getting harder to hide as he tried to second-guess the questions being put to him. "Is this about you lot assuming we're just taking sides? Because that's bang out of order. Alicia might be a mate, but she's also a doctor and she'll have had to treat women in her position before – she'd never lie about something like-"

"Mr Dean … Mr Dean, I can assure you no one is making any assumptions about this case," DC Chen cut in, trying to placate him.

"We're just trying to establish how well you know those involved," DC Grayson added. "You're friends with Alicia – how about Eddie McAllister?"

Iain tensed, thinking carefully about his answer and then wondering how that looked so trying to explain. "It's hard to think about him now, knowing what he did. But before what happened, before I knew what he did to Alicia, we weren't exactly mates, but we'd have been friendly enough, I suppose. We might have had a drink and a laugh in the pub, part of the crowd, you know. I just didn't know him as long as some of the others. Besides," he added, as if it said it all. "He wasn't into football. Think he was more of a rugby man."

"And you, Ms Nicholls?"

"About the same, I'd say," Sam said. "Alicia's a friend and I didn't have any issues with Eddie, I just didn't know him as well as some. He is a fair bit younger than us too, I guess, so you know …"

"Speak for yourself," Iain chipped in.

"But there is a social side to what you all do?" DC Grayson pressed on. "Doctors, paramedics, nurses, you all go out socially? Enjoy a few drinks?"

"Course," Iain said, like it shouldn't even be a question. "It might be a hospital, but it's still just a workplace."

"And it helps to de-stress with people who understand the job," Sam added. "And share the same anti-social hours. It's not all about drinking – it could be breakfast after a night shift, coffee in the middle of a double shift, whatever's needed."

"And relationships … Anything more than friendship? That allowed?"

Iain and Sam exchanged a bemused look.

"You really think any workplace can stop that?" Iain asked. "Look, everyone's professional. Lives are on the line, you have to be. There's no room for error. But we're all human too. So yeah, it can probably get a bit …"

"… complicated," he and Sam finished together.

"My point," DC Grayson said slowly, thoughtfully. "Is whether anyone knew of any kind of personal relationship between Doctor Munroe and Doctor McAllister?"

"I wouldn't call _rape_ a personal relationship," Sam said, her tone turning decidedly cooler.

"And I'm not suggesting that," the detective said. "Now, it's not for me to go discussing Doctor Munroe's private life at will. Suffice to say though, as it is very pertinent to our investigation, that it's our understanding she does not contest there having been … contact, shall we say … between them that was entirely consensual, prior to the alleged rape."

Iain and Sam shared another glance, both surprised by the reluctant revelation and still neither entirely sure where it was leading.

"Eddie McAllister appears to be suggesting that Doctor Munroe has concocted the rape allegation out of some sense of shame or regret over consensual events between them," DC Grayson said, eyeing them both. "But my feeling is that his argument is weakened if no one knew about their relationship, short-lived as it may have been. And weakened all the more if the general consensus is that no one would have batted an eyelid if they _had_ known."

"Of course," DC Chen added. "He could claim simple paranoia on Doctor Munroe's part – a fear that the relationship would come to light. She was, I understand, his superior?"

"He's a first year doctor, she's second," Sam said, still mulling over what they had been told. "But you're right. No one would have thought anything of it. That's not really enough to go on though, is it?"

"No, not by a long way," DC Grayson admitted. "But it's all about building a picture. And we want to make sure we get this right – because, right now, I'm not sure we could make all the charges we're pursuing stick ..."

"You still haven't charged him with anything?" Sam frowned. "At the very least you have three witnesses to the fact he held one paramedic at knifepoint and then stabbed another."

"I know," the detective sighed. "But to charge him with anything … Well, we'd have to find him first."

"Jesus Christ," Iain muttered, tilting his head back against his pillows.


	11. Eleven

**Eleven**

"D-Day," Rocker declared, as he sauntered into the ambulance station with his kit bag slung over a shoulder, just as Sam and Ruby were checking their ride for the day was fully stocked. "Morning, girlies - you ready to roll out when that first call to arms comes? Because I am ready to play Parker to your lovely Lady Penelopes …"

Sam smirked at that. "Oh no, nice try - you're not driving, newbie."

" _Newbie_ ," he frowned. "Darlin', I think you will find-"

"That your HART experience is welcome, but you're on our turf now," Sam said firmly. "So _I_ drive. _I_ call the shots. And frankly, you're lucky I'm not making you sit in the back instead of Ruby. All right, _darling?_ "

"You got your little tin soldier this whipped?" Rocker demanded, quickly holding his hands up in surrender at the warning glare he got in response – conscious as he was of Ruby watching wide-eyed and seeming to realise there was a chance he would actually come off second-best, and in front of an audience, if he pushed Sam's buttons too hard. "Okay, okay. Since it's day one for this little _ménage-a-trois_ of ours, and I don't like to overwhelm anyone, I'll take a step back. This time. Just for you."

"Gee, thanks," Sam said dryly, just as the crackle of her radio and a message from Control interrupted them. "Three-zero-zero-six to Control, go ahead?"

"Emergency call-out to Holby Academy – one male adult and one teenage girl, suspected chemical burns."

"Received. Show us responding," Sam said, already heading for the driver's side of the waiting vehicle.

* * *

Sat in a wheelchair, her injured arm cradled against her chest in a much more manageable sling than the blue monstrosity she'd initially had to endure to ensure complete immobilisation, Alicia inwardly gritted her teeth, hating being pushed along by a well-meaning porter. She didn't want to seem ungrateful, not when they were just doing their job, but she couldn't stand that feeling of helplessness and having to depend on someone else.

The thought of seeming so weak in front of people she worked with only made it worse, even though she knew they were generally full of kindness and support.

"Alicia!"

Looking up, she couldn't help smiling at the friendly greeting from Fletch as he shoved the paperwork he was carrying into the hands of the nearest person and immediately hurried to meet her.

"I'll take over here, mate - cheers," he told the porter, taking hold of the handles of her wheelchair. "Well, well, well … Out of bed so soon? It's true what they say, innit? You doctors really do make the worst patients," he grinned. "Although, it turns out paramedics aren't too far behind, at least if Iain's anything to go by."

"How's he doing?" Alicia asked anxiously, worried that they hadn't been telling her the whole story down on Keller, that they'd been trying to protect her from more bad news.

"Well, better than he's probably got any right to be, all things considered," Fletch said, slowly pushing her along the corridor. "But let's just say any delusions of invincibility have taken a slight knock overnight. No cause for serious alarm, honest – but he may have picked up some kind of infection and it's knocked him back a little. Dom told me how badly you wanted to come and visit though, so I'm saying it's okay as long as we get you back where you belong before too long. It's great to see you, but you both still need your rest."

"I just … I needed to see for myself," she murmured. "He is going to be okay, right?"

"He's tough, Alicia. You know how these setbacks can crop up," Fletch shrugged. "I've got every confidence he'll be back on the road to recovery soon, but these things take time. He really went through the ringer. You both did. Any news from the cops on Eddie?"

She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak, not without crying again. And, as far as she was concerned, she'd done enough of that.

"Come on then," Fletch said, wisely choosing to gloss over it. "He's just in here …"

* * *

"Oh, thank god – they're through here," a flustered woman in a crisp trouser suit gasped, hurrying the paramedics into a science laboratory still full of wide-eyed pupils, cries of pain audible over their shocked murmurs.

"Are you in charge here? Do you know what happened?" Sam demanded, quickly taking in the scene in front of her. "And can we get everyone else out of here please? Not sure we need an audience."

"I'm the head teacher here – Mrs Hayes. Gillian Hayes. I didn't see what happened. But Mr Lawson and one of our pupils, Amelia James, we believe they've been splashed with nitric acid. The school nurse sent for me as soon as she realised the seriousness of the situation."

"Some kind of experiment gone wrong?"

"No, no, it couldn't have been anything like that. Mr Lawson, Ryan, he's one of our PE teachers. He was just covering for a colleague who's off sick. Supervising, you know. The kids … They had worksheets. They shouldn't have been touching any of the lab equipment or chemicals. I have no idea how this could have happened."

"Okay," Sam said, taking charge of the situation and, making a split second decision, heading for the patient who seemed the more seriously injured of the two. "Ruby, you're with me – Rocker, you deal with the girl."

"On it, chief," he nodded, with a little mock salute.

"So … I'm Sam, this is Ruby – we're paramedics," Sam said, crouching down beside the man slumped on the floor with his back against the wall and his head down, clearly fighting to keep from yelling in pain, his breathing laboured and his fists clenched. "Where did the acid-"

She trailed off the second he looked up, inwardly wincing at the sight of the burns already badly marring one side of his otherwise handsome face and trailing down his neck. "Saline, Ruby," she said instead, keeping her voice steady. "Lots of it. We're going to need to irrigate to be sure there's no acid still on the skin."

"We tried to wash it off as best we could," a woman who had to be the school nurse supplied. "I tried to make sure not to spread it, but the burns were already so deep …"

"You did the right thing," Sam said. "What about the girl, Rocker?"

"Nasty enough – a few splashes to the face, worse on the upper left arm," he grimaced, trying to examine the arm in question through the ruin of the girl's white shirt.

"Let's get them both a little more comfortable and get out of here then," Sam said. "The quicker we can get them to the ED, the better the chance of minimising any scarring."

"Do we know for sure it's nitric acid? They'll want to know in the burns unit …" Ruby chipped in, watching as her mentor prepared to administer intravenous pain relief.

"Not for certain," the nurse said. "We were too concerned with dealing with the injuries first to find out exactly what happened."

"Of course," Sam said, a little frown on her face. "Ruby, I've got this – go ask around. See if anyone's prepared to own up. Something like this doesn't just happen."

* * *

"Alicia …" Iain said, weakly trying to sit up a little straighter against his pillows as soon as he saw her being pushed into his side room, tears welling in her eyes at the sight of him still attached to drips and machines. "Oh, love, don't – you'll set me off in a minute!" he tried to joke, reaching out a hand towards her and wincing as the momentarily forgotten line in his arm pulled a little at the movement. "Looks worse than it is. I'll be out of here in no time, you'll see. If only 'cause Fletch'll get sick of the sight of me."

"Of that handsome face? Never," the director of nursing grinned, still manoeuvring the somewhat unwieldy wheelchair into place by the side of his patient's bed. "Listen, I'll leave you to it. But just shout if you need anything, either of you."

"Thanks, pal," Iain managed, before turning his attention to his pale visitor. "Leesh, how you doing?"

"I'm … I'm okay," Alicia lied, wiping ineffectually at her damp eyes with her good hand before reaching out to take Iain's, fresh tears threatening as he gave her fingers a friendly little squeeze. "God, Iain, I'm so sorry …"

"Hey, you've got nothing to say sorry for," he frowned. "I mean it, sweetheart. You didn't do this. You couldn't have known what would happen."

"Couldn't I?" she asked harshly. "I just … I feel like I've been so _stupid_ , man. Like I should have seen it. And now … It's like I can't unsee it. I just play it over and over in my head, all the bad choices I made."

"Hindsight's twenty-twenty, isn't that what they say?" Iain sighed, his mind drifting back to all the decisions in his past that had haunted him over the years. He hated the thought of the usually bubbly young doctor torturing herself the way he had though. "Listen, Alicia, I'm not going to pretend I know exactly what you're going through, but I do know what it's like to let something get in your head. Something with the power to destroy you, if you let it. All that blame you're piling on yourself? You have to let it go before it eats you up."

"But if I hadn't gotten involved with him in the first place," Alicia whispered, her voice breaking with shame and regret. "None of this would have happened."

"You can't live your life like that," Iain insisted. "Not trusting anyone, not letting them in. Betraying that is on _him_. Don't let this change who you are."

She took a deep shaky breath, tears left to glisten on her cheeks as he kept hold of her one good hand and tried to make her meet his earnest gaze, so she could see he was serious. She couldn't help not quite feeling convinced though. Okay, she could see Iain meant what he was saying – but, in her mind, that just meant he was way more generous than he probably should be under the circumstances. He had every right to be furious, resentful. But she could see more than sympathy in his drawn face. There was a real understanding.

Maybe he really did get it. Maybe he had his own regrets, knew what it was like to have someone else pay the price for your mistakes. Not everyone would have something like that to draw on though, and she couldn't help feeling there would – even in the hospital, among her colleagues – be those who would question the wisdom and propriety of how she had behaved. Human nature could make people very judgmental.

"How did you get past it?"

"Huh?"

"Whatever was in your head. How did you … let it go?"

Iain was quiet for a long pause, as if considering how to answer. But when he did, she knew by the simplicity of it that it was the truth.

"I let someone else in instead," he said eventually. "I'd bottled it all up for so long. Finally talking about it, it helped more than I thought it could. And having that support … Well, let's just say I think it probably saved me from heading down an even darker path."

"Who was it you let in?" Alicia asked curiously, before realising how personal a question that might be. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry – I don't mean who exactly, just … family? Friend? Professional?"

Iain looked down, making her think she'd been too intrusive and wasn't going to get an answer.

"Friend," he said quietly. "A good friend. The best."

"Sam," Alicia said, without even meaning to have spoken out loud, full realisation slowly dawning on the injured doctor.

"Sam," he nodded, in reluctant confirmation.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Iain's eyebrows shot up at that. "Whoa, _what?!_ " he exclaimed, his hasty attempts at some kind of clumsy clarification coming tumbling out. "Why would you think … I mean, I don't … We just …"

Alicia raised an eyebrow of her own. "That's definitely a yes," she said dryly.


	12. Twelve

**Twelve**

"Shit, sorry. After everything you've been through, me banging on about Sam like this must be the last thing you need," Iain said guiltily, surprised to find Alicia smiling at him when he finally glanced up after spilling his guts on pretty much everything.

"You've gotta be joking, man," she exclaimed. "Don't stop on my account - you're restoring my faith in romance and relationships here! Come on, do you really think we don't all notice how close the two of you are? All the teasing, the little in-jokes, the hugs? The pair of you just kinda light up when you're around each other! I mean it, Iain – if this whole awful mess meant you and Sam realising how you feel and actually doing something about it, I'd be _so_ happy with that. At least some good would come of it, you know?"

"Yeah, well, don't go getting your hopes up," he warned, with a little sigh.

"Is that advice for me or you?" Alicia teased.

"Both! I dunno, 'Leesh … Worry does funny things to people. Maybe I'm just reading too much into all this …"

"Into what? Her staying by your hospital bed all night? Wanting to be close to you? Holding your hand?"

"She's still my mate, no matter what. I know she cares, so 'course she'd do any of those things," Iain shrugged. "But … that might be all it is."

"So what about the kissing?" Alicia prompted, looking sceptical at his matter-of-fact assessment. "Because I'm your mate, Iain, and I hate what Eddie did to you – but I'm still not snogging your face off!"

"Spoilsport," the paramedic grinned. "Nah, seriously though, that could have just been … relief? I dunno … She was scared for me. I know she was - I could see it on her face. She thought I was a goner. Maybe more than once. Fletch kinda hinted I was pretty lucky to make it up here from the ED. That could stir stuff up for anyone. And we do have history."

"Why are you so keen to write this off? Sam could feel the exact same as you do. But if you don't _talk_ to her, you'll never know. Iain?"

Silence stretched between them until he finally gave in and met her gaze. "Because I already had to watch her walk away twice. I don't know if I could handle that again."

* * *

"I said _shut up!_ " came the furious hiss, making the miserable girl tripping along in the middle of their little group cringe and try to fight back the whimpers of pain that had been escaping. "Draw attention to us and you're _dead_ \- I mean it."

"What are we going to do, Jo?" the pretty redhead bringing up the rear demanded of their leader. "If Hayes finds out … I _cannot_ have her calling my dad again."

"Oh, for god's sake," Joanna Shipton ground out, growing more exasperated with her followers by the second and stopping suddenly to round on them, her dark eyes flashing angrily. "We're not going to _do_ anything, Cat. Why would we? _We_ didn't do anything in the first place."

"You _told_ me to!" the trembling girl caught between the older two blurted out, instantly looking like she regretted it.

"Just because we were talking doesn't mean anything. That was all you. 'Course you couldn't even get that right. Why did you have to be so flaming clumsy? That little cow barely got splashed compared to what you did to Mr Lawson - the only fit teacher in this dump and now look at him!"

"I didn't mean to, I didn't," came the babbling response, between tiny gasps of pain. "M-My hands … Please …"

"Can't be that bad," Joanna rolled her eyes, grabbing for her arms and starting to none-too-gently hike up the overstretched sleeves of the other girl's grey school jumper. "It's not like _you_ got it in the face … Oh!"

"Oh my god!" Cat Morris breathed, also wide-eyed in alarm at the sight of the livid skin puckered and swollen into clearly painful blisters that covered both hands, while one palm also bled from a ragged wound that glistened with embedded glass fragments.

"It's s-still burning … I … I can't …"

"Zara," Cat tried, wanting to get the girl moving again, even as she hunched over in pain with her hands cradled to her chest, slumping against the wall. "Come on, we can't stay here – someone will see. We'll … We'll get some water or something. Wash it off."

"It hurts so much," she cried, tears she couldn't even wipe away slipping down her pale cheeks. "The glass bottle … I nearly dropped it and then when I grabbed it … it b-broke … I wasn't even going to throw it until I had to then! It really _hurts!_ Please, make it stop …"

"Okay, you _seriously_ need to shut up!" Joanna hissed again, spinning on her heel to check no one was coming to see what all the commotion was about, tucking a stray lock of her sleek dark bob behind her ear.

"This is bad, Jo," Cat stressed. "Look at the state of her! We need to get help."

"We need to get out of here, that's what we need to do," she retorted. "Are you two coming or not?"

"Jo …"

"Whatever. You're on your own."

"Jo!"

* * *

Frustrated by the lack of cooperation from the gathered pupils, Ruby was heading back to help Sam and Rocker deal with their respective patients when she realised the head teacher was turning every which way as if looking for something she had lost and looking even more flustered than before.

"Is something wrong?" the young paramedic asked, in case it might be something relevant to what they were dealing with back in the lab.

"We've got three missing."

"Three pupils? Oh, gosh," Ruby frowned. "That seems like a lot. Are you sure there weren't just some absences today or something?"

"No, no – we only had one off sick in this class today and we're accounting for him. Three of the girls were definitely here earlier and now ... Well, now they're not."

"Could they have had anything to do with what happened with the acid?" Ruby asked.

"Well, I wouldn't put anything past Joanna Shipton for starters," the head teacher sighed. "And Catherine Morris wouldn't be hard to coax into following her lead. But Zara Isaacs … I can't imagine her being involved, especially not with those two …"

Realising Sam was calling for her from the lab doorway, Ruby excused herself and hurried back to see what she could do to help.

"Ah, Rubes, can you keep an eye on the girl for us? Watch for any changes to her sats, I'm slightly concerned about shock setting in," Sam instructed. "I'm going to get Rocker to help me get Mr Lawson here into the ambulance. I've called for back-up and another crew's on the way."

"Whatever you need," Ruby nodded immediately. "I didn't find anything out though. No one's saying anything."

"Well, we'll just have to hope the burns team can do their best anyway," Sam shrugged. "Nothing else for it. Back in a tick."

* * *

Back on her own ward, Alicia sank back against the pillows of her bed, wincing as she cradled her injured arm to her chest. She was glad she'd built up the nerve to go and see Iain, feeling a little better for seeing with her own eyes that he was at least recovering, but it had taken more out of her than she expected. He'd looked done in too though, squeezing her hand as Fletch came to finally wheel her out, having given them as much time to talk as he could – and probably more than he should have.

"Penny for 'em?"

Despite the tiredness seeming to seep through her muscles, Alicia's head shot up at the soft lilting words, tinged with hints of both humour and concern.

"Bea!"

"Oh, love … What the hell's he done to you now?" the Irish doctor demanded, hurrying forward at the sight of tears flooding her friend's eyes, unable to keep from welling up herself, trying as she might to focus on the anger she felt at what had happened in her absence.

"Did … Did Ethan call you? He shouldn't have …" Alicia managed, even as she found herself caught up in a warm but careful hug that was mindful of her injuries.

"He absolutely should," Bea Kinsella insisted, settling on the edge of the bed, one hand still holding Alicia's. "I'd have hated to think I wasn't there when you needed me – I already wasn't, was I? If I'd still been at the house when that creep came round, maybe-"

"Maybe you'd just have gotten hurt too. And I'd have hated that. Bad enough dragging poor Iain and Ruby into my mess …" Alicia said. "Oh, Bea, I'm so glad you're here! But what about France? The trauma course? I don't want you missing out because of me."

"Don't you worry about any of that," the redhead smiled softly, waving off the concern. "I'm serious. Alicia, it's fine, really. I just … When I heard … Where else was I going to be? How could I concentrate on anything until I saw for myself you were okay?"

Knowing how badly she had needed to see Iain, Alicia supposed she got that. And she couldn't deny she was overwhelmed at seeing her friend – happy, grateful, even strangely relieved. Maybe that was just because she knew she had someone around now who understood. Someone she didn't feel she had to put a brave front up for. Because she did feel like that a lot. Even with Ethan, someone she trusted and who had been there for her.

With Ethan though … It mattered what he thought of her. Not because of the thought of him judging her, because she knew he would never. But because she just didn't want to be this person around him. Weak, vulnerable, unsure. That wasn't who she was, or who she wanted him to see.

She couldn't imagine being close to anyone right now, not after everything that had happened with Eddie, but she couldn't deny – even to herself – that she still had feelings for Ethan. And the thought that kept creeping into her mind that any chance there might have been of them making a go of it could be scuppered by her new-found self-doubt and trust issues was a tough one to bear.

"Alicia? You okay?" Bea asked, clearly realising her friend had a lot racing through her mind.

She shook her head, not quite trusting herself to speak. "No," Alicia managed tearfully. "Not really, if I'm honest. But I will be. I will."


	13. Thirteen

**Author's Note: Well, sorry about the delay! I kinda struggled with this chapter, if I'm honest - then I ran into a weird glitch when trying to post, so it's taken longer than expected to get it out. Thanks to those still reading and, as always, any feedback is much appreciated!**

* * *

 **Thirteen**

Heading back to the lab after being left frustrated by the lack of cooperation from a bunch of surly teenagers, Ruby stopped in her tracks, her attention caught by a faint sound coming from nearby that seemed like crying. Moving closer, she called out quietly, not wanting to scare whoever it was.

"Hello? Is someone there?" she tried. "Are you hurt? I'm a paramedic – I just want to help. Hello?"

Crossing the hallway to open the door of the classroom the noise had apparently drifted from, Ruby peeked inside and, at first, thought the place was deserted. But, as she went to withdraw, a muffled whimper of pain came from behind the door and pulled her back into the room.

"Oh, hi. I'm Ruby," she said, treading cautiously as she realised she was probably dealing with someone right at the heart of the acid incident and didn't want to inadvertently make things any worse. The young paramedic could feel indignant that someone would inflict such awful injuries on other people, but she knew that her priority had to be treating anyone who needed her help. It wasn't for her to judge who deserved that help.

Besides, the girl huddled in the corner with her hands cradled against her chest, her long dark hair hanging over her face, made for a pitiful sight. Even without being able to get a good look at her face, Ruby could tell she was pale and in pain, the almost violent trembling and ragged breathing making her fear shock had set in.

"Okay, can you tell me your name?" Ruby said, reaching for her radio to contact Sam and update her. "Zara? Okay, Zara, we need to get your hands rinsed off right away. Do you know where the nearest bathroom or any room with a sink is?"

But the teenager – abandoned by her friends and having sobbed out her name as trying to withhold it had seemed pointless, cornered as she was - was too distraught to make much sense, even as the radio crackled to life and Sam's voice came through clearly.

"Sounds like your patient's condition is more serious than Amelia here's … I'm sending Rocker to you, Rubes. Back-up's five minutes out. Let's get her ready to move."

Ruby took a deep breath, already trying to remember all the protocols for such an incident, feeling strangely self-conscious at the thought of having to work alone with the cocky HART member who was no doubt much more used to dealing with hazardous substances and all the pitfalls that came with them.

"You can do this …" she silently told herself, before confirming to Sam that she understood and then turning her attention back to Zara, only to find the girl slumped against the wall unconscious. "Zara? Zara!"

* * *

"Right then, Ruby-Roo," Rocker declared breezily, dropping one of their grab bags of equipment down beside her and crouching himself by the side of their latest patient. "Budge over and let the expert take a look, love."

"It's just Ruby," she corrected him, with a little frown. "And I'm supposed to be learning from you – not just getting pushed aside."

"Oh-ho, _miaow_ ," the more senior paramedic chuckled. "She's rubbing off on you, is our Samantha. All right, all right, tell me where we're at."

"This is Zara," Ruby began, after a pause and an unsure little frown, not knowing quite how to handle her colleague's brash approach. "Significant suspected acid burns to both hands and forearms, plus a deep laceration to the right palm. No sign of any attempt to irrigate. She's just passed out, probably through pain and shock – pulse is weak and thready, breathing laboured … We need to flush any remaining acid off her skin as quickly as possible …"

"Looks like we've found ourselves a prime suspect for what went down back there," Rocker suggested, already in the process of digging packs of saline solution out of the bag he'd brought. "Girls, huh? Right little wildcats when you want. Proper vicious. Shocked, are ya, little Ruby-Roo?"

But, despite grimacing at the unwanted new nickname cropping up again, Ruby simply shook her head. "I went to an all-girls school," she admitted. "Nothing about teenage girls shocks me, believe me."

"Now that sounds like a story I'd like to hear …" Rocker grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and laughing when she glared at him. "Easy, tiger!"

* * *

"I'm glad you called."

Ethan managed a weak smile for the redhead, still feeling a little guilty for uprooting her, but infinitely grateful that she would effectively drop everything to be there for her friend. Because as much as he would like to think his support could be enough for Alicia, he knew it wasn't. That she was holding back from fully opening up to him. He hardly dared think there might be some semblance of a silver lining to be inferred from that reluctance and felt like a terrible person for even letting the thought flit across his mind.

It had occurred to him though that it was not entirely inconceivable that Alicia might feel self-conscious around him if she still harboured some kind of feelings towards him. But that was entirely secondary to the fact that he truly did just want to help her get through everything she had been forced to deal with. The thought of her hurting in that way, in _any_ way, was almost unbearable. Until a quiet little voice in his head told him to pull himself together. That any upset caused to him paled in comparison with what she had endured.

"I was going to say I'm sorry for pulling you away from Paris," he told Bea ruefully. "But, if I'm being entirely honest, I'm not sorry. Not if you being here helps and I know it does. It means the world to Alicia."

"Ethan, don't worry yourself - I understand," Bea said, reaching out to pat his arm. "And I meant what I said. I'd have been furious if you'd _not_ called. I wasn't even going to leave when I did, only Alicia practically pushed me out the door. Said she needed to handle it herself. And she was. Handling it, I mean. She was so strong and I was so proud of her, you know? But for him to do this to her, on top of everything else … I could kill him myself, I really could."

"Well, I can't really fault the sentiment, but let's hope it doesn't come to that," Ethan sighed. "How long are you here for?"

"As long as I'm needed. Family emergency's the official line. What? Sure it's as good as true! Anyway, tell me, what happens now?"

Ethan wiped a hand over his face wearily and shrugged. "I'm not honestly sure. As far as I can see, we're stuck in limbo until the police can find Eddie."

"But he's at least been … I dunno … struck off? Suspended?"

"Officially? Suspended," Ethan confirmed. "Mrs Beauchamp left him in little doubt regarding his future here at Holby and that was before the whole knife situation. But I would assume escalating that is just a formality."

"At least that's something," Bea mused. "He needs to be behind bars though. The man's clearly a danger."

"Well, his mother has apparently given in and provided police with a list of possible contacts he might reach out to. Whether she's lying to them to cover for him, or whether she actually just wants him brought in without anyone else getting hurt … We're not sure. But fingers crossed they find him soon."

* * *

Gripping the steering wheel of the cramped little car he'd borrowed from a university friend he'd actually grown up with, Eddie's knuckles turned white and he gritted his teeth in frustration.

He'd been thwarted at every turn. He knew he needed to either get away or find somewhere to keep his head down, but he couldn't go home or back to his parents. He'd already driven past his apartment three times, but there were police outside the building every time. And without going home, he had nothing – no fresh clothes, no money other than what he had on him, and crucially no passport. Without his passport, any hope of getting far enough away was doomed from the get-go.

He just wanted this whole mess to go away. He still found it incredible to think how rapidly his life had turned on its head and then fallen apart. And all, in his mind, over nothing. Nothing worth all this. Nothing worth destroying his _life_.

He still wanted to believe it was all one horrible misunderstanding. That Alicia would come to her senses. Maybe that was still the only way.

Making her see.

Grim-faced, Eddie swung the car around without warning, risking the wrath of the taxi driver he cut up and ignoring the blare of his horn as he turned onto the main road towards Holby City General. He knew it could be every bit as risky as going home, but he was running out of options.

And desperate men took risks.

They had no choice.

* * *

"Zara, if someone made you do this …"

Rocker snorted at that, even as he pushed the trolley the young girl was lying on towards resus. "Leave it out, Rubes. Don't go handing her an easy way out, letting her try to pin this mess on her mates."

"Mates?" Ruby exclaimed. " _Mates_ don't leave you in that state!"

"What would you know?" the teenager bit out, turning suddenly vicious in the face of having her friendships questioned. "Got many _mates_ , do you?"

Startled by the flash of aggression, as well as feeling more self-conscious than she would have liked about how near the knuckle the dig was, Ruby floundered for an answer before giving up and focusing on helping to get their patient where she needed to be.

"What happened back there … You could have blinded someone," she said finally, her voice quiet in the brief moment available before Elle hurried over to assess the situation. "You may have scarred them for life. _You_ could be scarred for life. Was it worth it?"

But, still biting back on the pain she was obviously suffering, Zara simply turned away in mutinous silence – only to be confronted by the sight of her teacher being lifted from a gurney onto a bed, clearly in a bad way.

"Old Bill are gonna want a word when she's ready," Rocker said loudly, sending a flash of alarm across the teenager's face.

"Well, they'll just have to wait – she's in no fit state right now," Elle interjected. "Now, little bit of room here, please …"

* * *

"Hey …"

Looking up from the car magazine he'd been half-heartedly flicking through, Iain smiled to see Sam in the doorway of his room, still in her uniform and clearly on duty. "Hi."

"You'll be getting sick of the sight of me," she grinned sheepishly, only half joking.

"Don't talk soft," he protested. "Come in. How's work going?"

"Oh, you know," she shrugged, perching on the edge of his bed again. "Same old, same old. How's your day?"

"Wall-to-wall action here, love," Iain grinned, with an exaggerated roll of his eyes that gave away his growing impatience with hospital life as a patient. "Even got to walk to the little boys' room. _Unsupervised_."

"Very rock 'n' roll," Sam played along.

"Alicia did come visit," he added, visibly brightening. "That was good. Well, apart from the obvious. She got lucky with that arm – could have been a helluva lot worse. Poor kid though. It's not right, that bastard maybe getting away with what he's done to her. Surely they'll see he can't be innocent of any of it, not after doing a runner? Not exactly the actions of a guy with nothing to hide."

"It's hard to say," Sam sighed, reaching out absently to let her fingers toy with his, before seeming to realise she was finding excuses just to touch him, as if to reassure herself he was really still there, and casually pulling back. "He could say he was driven to it – it would be a terrible thing to be accused of …"

"It was a terrible thing he did!" Iain insisted.

"Hey, I know that," she soothed. "I'm just saying, he'll try anything to spin things in his favour. Although, they still have to find him before we even start worrying about that."

"Ugh," Iain practically growled in frustration. "I hate being cooped up in here!"

"Well, tough," Sam said simply. "You need to be here and there's no way I'm letting you check out early in your condition. There's nothing you could do anyway. The police will find him – we just have to … wait."

"I know, I know," he groused, not sounding any happier about it, despite her reassurance. "Listen, I'm fine - you should head off. Don't want Jan on the war-path."

"Trying to get rid of me, Dean?" she teased, even as she made to go.

"You know I'm not," he replied, gently tugging her to sit back down on the edge of his bed, her hand caught in his. "Sam … What are we doing here?"

She paused and then half frowned, half smiled as if confused by the question coupled with the intensity of his gaze. "Dunno what you mean – you're supposed to be recovering and-"

"You and me," he said, looking down at their fingers laced together again, deciding to take the plunge before he could talk himself out of it. "You kissed me …"

"I … I was worried. You could have died, Iain."

"You haven't kissed me like that since Tom-"

"Don't. Don't remind me."

"I don't remember hearing you complain," he said, unsure whether or not he should be offended by how that sounded.

"I meant don't remind me of my mistakes," Sam sighed, clearly not enjoying a wander down the memory lane that led to yet another instance of her essentially cheating on someone with the former soldier by her side. "I wasn't fair to either of you back then."

"And now?"

"Iain …"

"I mean, it's okay," he said quickly. "If it was just … heat of the moment, or whatever. I get it. I just …"

The crackle of Sam's radio interrupted them and something between an apology and relief crossed her face as she pulled away. "I have to go," she told him gently.

"Sam …"

"You know I have to. We … We can talk later."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said, reluctantly at first and then more firmly. "Yeah. I promise."


End file.
